Life with Landon

Our five-year-old, Landon, is a charming little guy. But when he's around, I become a walking encyclopedia-dictionary-google-search-engine-thesaraus-thing-a-ma-bob.

I love being a mom. The following questions and discussions we've had together are not only funny but exhausting because whenever there's a chance to ask a question, he'll ask it... no matter the situation.

As I watch the way he thinks and record the questions he asks (my brain is too tired to remember it all so I have to write it down), I sometimes wonder what he'll be when he grows up. But usually, I'm too tired from the latest brain excersize to even remember that he WILL grow up someday and that I WILL look back on the questions and laugh. And not sigh, like I do now.

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Landon: "Mom, is my nose straight?"
Me: "Yeah."
(a few seconds later) Landon: "Is it straight right here?"
Me: "Yeah."
(a few minutes later) Landon: "Is my nose like yours or is it like Daddy's'?"
Me: *confused*
Landon: "Is it like Alex's nose?"
Me: "Your nose is just like Landon's nose."
Landon: "Huh?"
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Landon: Is Jingle Bells a Christmas song?

Landon: Is Jesus Loves me a Christmas song?

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Landon: "Check and see if Grandma and Grandpa are coming today."
Me: "They're not yet Landon."
Landon: "Well Hannah said they were coming in 6 more days!"
Me: "I know but it's not 6 more days yet."
Landon: "You just think it's not 6 more days but it is."

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Landon: "When they wrap the plastic around the Christmas tree, why doesn't it go in and come out all by itself?" (motioning how the tree springs out after you unwrap it.)
Me: "It does, after you take it off."
Landon: "Take what off?"
Me: "The plastic."
Landon: "It HAS plastic?"

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Landon: "Could Daddy easy jump over Alex?"
Me: "Yep."
Landon: "How?"
(without giving me a chance to answer, he jumped into a whole parade of questions...
L: "Could he jump over you?"
L: "Could Daddy jump over a guy?"
L: "If someone was his age could he jump over him?"
Me: "Uh, um, I don't know... it would depend."
Landon: "When I grow up, am I going to be older than Dad?"

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While getting ready to go out and bring in wood from the snowy, icy back yard, Landon only had jeans, tennis shoes and a coat on. Directing him to get snow boots and snow pants on, Landon wailed, "But that'll take a HUNDRED years!!!"

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Landon: "Where's Daddy's face mask."
Me: "In the guestroom."
Landon: "Where in the guestroom?"
Me: "On the bed."
Landon: "Uh-uh!! Daddy said I could wear it!"
Me: "I know Landon, it's on the bed in the guestroom."
Landon: "Oh, it IS?"

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Landon: "Janae needs a better brain."
Me: "Why?"
Landon: "She messes up the fish (Go Fish! game) and she doesn't get my cowboy boots when I tell her to... she needs a brain!"

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While watching a Live Nativity scene, Landon couldn't stop the questions...
"Is that a real baby?"
"Where are the angels?"
"Why don't the angels have wings?"
"What is that guy doing?"
"Why is he dressed that way?"
"Where ARE the angels?"

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(during lunch one day)
Landon: "Why don't we fly to Haiti?"
Me: "Because it costs a lot of money."
Landon: "Why don't we drive then?"
Me: "Because there's too much water."
Landon: "There's no roads past the water?"
Me: "Nope."
Landon: "Why aren't there roads?"
Me: "Because there's too much water -- you can only take a boat."
Landon: "So why don't we take a boat?"
Me: "Because we'll fly instead."
Landon: "How will our car get there?"
Me: "We won't bring our car."
Landon: "So will we walk then?"
(without giving me a chance to answer, he continued...)
Landon: "So what will you do in case you need to get across the river and you don't have your car... what happens?"
Me: "Somebody else picks you up."
Landon: *speechless* (finally)

Do I Really Look That Smart???

I sit down for a moment of silence to do something novel. Like blog. As I sit there trying to remember even HOW to blog or find my way through the mental process of burying myself in the thrill of a blog moment, I'm interrupted by a bombardment of questions.

Questions about life.

About stuff.

About things.

About everything.

And they're not "yes" and "no" every-day-type questions. It's questions like...

"What kind of car will I drive when I get older?"

"Did your belly just open up and I came out?"

"How old will Alex be when I'm big?"

"How old was Alex when he was born?"

"Is it Christmas 'time' or Christmas 'day'?"

"Do you know where my gun is, Mom?"

"I can't find my gun, where is it?"

"I put my gun right here; do you know where it is now?"

"Did all those people watch Mary push her baby out?" (while looking at a nativity scene and connecting the dots between Mary having a baby and our cat having kittens.)

"Is it Christmas 'day' or Christmas 'time'?"

"What will I name my baby when I have one?"

"When me and Alex and Landon grow up, what kind of car will we drive and where will it be?"

"If our house burns up, will it burn down?"

"When that building burns up, how many days will it take them to clean it up?"

"Who owns the mountains?"

"If water gets rid of fire then why doesn't fire get rid of water?"

"Can I call you Courtney when I get big?"

As I sit and try to answer these questions and other questions similar to it, I find my brain becoming exhausted by the exhilarating workout my 5 and 4-yr-old provide for me.

You'd think with all this intense exercise, I'd become sharper, not duller. Ha!

Quite the contrary. By the end of the day, I can't remember what I did that morning, what happened yesterday or if I had plans to be somewhere that night. From the moment my kids get up until they go to bed, I go through an interrogation become a living dictionary. A Thesaurus. A reference guide. And the funny thing is when they counter-question me just to make sure I have my facts straight.

Like when I put my 4 yr-old down for a quiet time at TWO o'clock and assure her she can be up by three o'clock. Instead, she insists on being up by ONE o'clock as she nestles comfortably in her cozy bed.

Or when my 5 yr-old asks what direction we're going. And I tell him north. He'll adamantly disagree and insist we're going east. I've learned never to argue with a 5 yr-old using a broken compass.

And then there's the 2-yr-old who is given the luxury of THREE books in his bed during nap time. Instead, he insists on only TWO books.

As I try to burrow into the passageways that are my kids' brains and ways of thinking, talking, questioning and comprehending, I come away more confused and befuddled than ever. Logic and reality are two things that don't seem to play in very often.

My kids are so trusting. So gullible. So innocent. Until it comes to some of their questioning. And then I wonder where the trust is...

"Mom, can you count to 'zero'?" I hear from across the room.

"ZERO!" I reply.

"NOOOO! Do it right!" the 4 yr-old instructs.

"ZERO, one, two, three...." I reply, with a little more emphasis.

First, silence. And then, "that is really HOW you count to zero?" a shocked voice speaks in an, innocent 5 yr-old way.

"Yes Landon; that is really HOW you count to zero..."

The look of satisfaction and comprehension of learning where 'zero' fits in the numerical order is written all over their faces. And it's always worth the extra brain energy it takes me to make an answer clear, no matter how pointless I may think the question is. Or how many times they may re-word their questions.

About the time I think they may even exhaust an advanced google search engine if they had the capability of typing in their questions, I'll hear a question like this...

"Will you guys still be our mom and dad when Landon and I have kids?"

Yes, we'll always be your mom and dad. And you'll always be our kids.

Landon Lines, Janae Jems

After Five Comes...?
"How long before I'm five?" Landon asked me one day.

"On March second," I answered him.

"And then how long before I'm twenty?"

An Important Question
"Dad, what happens if you don't hold your pee?" Landon asked.

Toby replied honestly, "You'd pee all over yourself."

"Oh," Landon said, satisfied with the answer.

A Trade-In
Just making conversation one day, I asked Landon a question. One of his friends recently got a new baby sister and I wondered what Landon thought about it. So, I asked him for no reason at all other than to pique my curiosity, "Do you want a new sister?"

He looked over at Janae and nodded his head and said, "Yeah, I want to get rid of Janae and get a new sister."

So That's What They Call Them These Days
One morning I heard Janae intently trying to get the front door open.

"Janae, don't go outside yet," I instructed her.

"I just want to ring the dinner bell," she said, referring to the new doorbell.

Heaven on Earth
"Is our church heaven?" Landon asked one day.

"No, it's not," I informed him, wondering why he'd come up with that question.

"Then why was there a dead body there one time?" he said, thinking back to a funeral.

Someone You Love Is A Husband
"I can't wait for my husband to get here," Janae was overheard saying the other day.

"Janae, you don't have a husband, " we explained.

"Yes I do!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Grandpa and Grandma are my husband!"

A few questions heard around our house recently...

How do angels fly? (Landon)

If an angel goes back into heaven, how does the sky get fixed? (Landon)

Did all of Gene's hair holes get too big and his hair fell out? (Landon, referring to a balding friend.)

Babies Come From Policemen

Holding up a life size replica of a 11-12 week pre-born baby, Landon made a keen observance...

"You can't get this baby in your belly, can you Mom?" he said sizing the tiny baby in front of my waist.

"That's right Landon, I can't." I agreed, impressed with his ability to comprehend such deep knowledge.

"You just need a policeman to do it, right." He finished.

"Uhhhhhh.... only if the policeman is the dad," I said in a tone that said go-have-this-conversation-with-your-dad.

Landon Lines, Tierra Times

Time To Go
Landon had an urgent request... "Mom, Brittney wants us at her house really bad. They can't wait very long for us to get there."

A 7-yr-old's Research on 'The Old Days'
"Hey Courtney," my 7-year-old neice, Tierra, called from the back of the van. "Did you know that Fredda is from the old days?" (she was referring to her 70-some-year-old great-aunt.)

"Really? How do you know that?" I questioned.

"Because she got her sewing machine then and her sewing machine is from the old days," she informed me.

"Oh!" was all I could say, surprised at the logic.

"And she also lived in a house without lights," my neice went on. "And she had to get up during the night and feed cows and that's what they did in 'the old days.' "

They Do Hear What We Say
"Did you know your eyes are bigger than your stomach, Courtney?" Tierra informed me. Realizing her intention was to fill me in on an important fact, I didn't want to squelch her enthusiasm so I asked how she knew that. "Because my mom told me that once," was her honest answer.

Fire and Fier
"Why is there 'fire' in 'pacifier'?" Tierra asked me. (Try explaining that one.)

Dad Always Knows
Piping from the back seat, my niece Tierra had another question... "Hey Courtney, do you know the way from Omaha to Haiti?"

"No, I don't Tierra; do you?" I asked.

To which she replied, "No, I don't but I bet my dad does."

Grandma IS Older Than Mom
Tierra had another piece of (mis)information for me. Realizing she has learned that 30 IS younger than 31, I can understand that even a year to a 7-yr-old makes a big difference. It was still amusing to consider this "fact" from Tierra... "Courtney, did you know that my mom is 30 and my Grandma is 31?"

Landon Lines, Janae Jems

Pet Names
"Hey there little noodle," Toby said affectionately to Janae. "I not a noon-al, 'Punkin'," Janae retorted right back.


Not Quite The Right Response... Unless You're Janae
"I'll be in there in a minute to help you Janae; Mommy has to make sandwiches first," I called from the kitchen to where she sat in the tub waiting for me to wash her up.
"I can!" she called back, using her infamous phrase for everything that always indicates her independence.


Shifting The Blame
After being caught disobeying a very detailed command, Toby asked Landon why he disobeyed. Landon had a very good reason. "I asked Jesus to help me but it didn't work," he said.


Perfection
While carrying a snake he had just caught, Landon made a detailed observation. "This snake is just perfec', Mom."

What You Pick Isn't Always What You Eat
While picking rocks behind the garage one day, I informed the kids that what we were doing was called, "picking rocks."
"But we can't eat these though," Landon informed us all.

Landon Lines, Janae Jems

A Good Kind of Pride
"I'm so proud of you, Mom!" Landon said as we headed out the door to go on a walk.

"Really? Why are you proud of me?" I asked, wondering if he knew what he was talking about.

"Because you let us ride our bikes." He said, happily.


Chewing Food
While eating popcorn one day, Landon made a keen observation.

"When I eat, my mouth chops it up."


The Unseen Guest
As the kids got ready to sit down for a meal one day, Janae began to direct Landon...

"I det to sit by Desus, Nannon and you det to sit by God."


Do You Just Call 911 Then?
Hearing that I needed an axe for the project we were working on outside, Landon informed me after my fruitless search for an axe in the garage....

"Firemans always have axes."

Just Between Her and the Bro
After explaining to the kids that we may go garage saling and what that would entail for them as ride-a-longs, I asked Landon if he wanted to do that. He was pretty sure he did NOT want to go and answered no.

Janae, sitting across the table, taking all this in, objected. "Nannon, dat would be nice!" she said, "da girls will be nice!" as if that made all the reason why he should go. I could clearly see she had no comprehension of what we had just talked about.

I questioned her and asked, "What did you just say, Janae?" She looked at me and said with a firm resolute and an aire that said I'll-get-back-to-you-later, "I am talking to Nannon."

Post Number 5, Day Number 5

What an eye catching title, eh? Certainly not but it honestly says what this post is all about: 5 posts in 5 days.

My life is so uninteresting lately and has had so few blog moments in it. For instance, finding 15 pictures on my camera phone after Landon explored his photography skills with it while I was away from him for a few minutes is interesting but hardly worth blogging about. Neither is there anything worth mentioning about the morning I was nursing Alex and happened to see Janae open the hot oven door, shut it and then turn around and start digging in the knife drawer. Or how she grabbed a butcher knife because she wanted to snag a toy that was under the cupboard with it. And then having Alex perform his amazing Hoover Skills where he scoots and rolls and swims around on the floor and ingests any item that would normally be sucked into an electric vacuum. You can understand that we are saving on vacuum cleaner bags these days.

All of these details are perhaps unusual and maybe a little exciting but so unblogworthy. (is that a word?) So, I did some checking around for you this morning...

If the winter has you down and you are looking for something inspiring to do, MAKE THESE BROWNIES. You will be divinely inspired to quit any diet you are on and contemplate not starting the diet you were considering. These are worth the extra 5 or 10 lbs. you might put on and every time you see that extra roll on your hip you acquired after you consumed these brownies, you will once again savor that delicious brownie. Seriously. And this is coming from me: somebody who does not normally LIKE chocolate nor enjoys putting an extra roll on my hips.

For a lively discussion about the Quiverful Quest, check this link out. To expand your thoughts, browse this commenter's site as well. Never mind where I stand; these blogs are not mine and the writers have a right to say what they believe on their individual blogs. I'm not condoning or condemning either post; sometimes it's good to spur your perspective and provoke deep thoughts on issues that are controversial but NOT political for once, if you know what I mean.

And then there's the single girls that will probably not have a lot in common with the above link about babies and such. So, head on over here for a little insight from someone in your own shoes. You might find a kindredness in your camaraderie with the little gang of single girls there.

If you love tiny babies (and by tiny, I mean 1lb. 13oz.) and are needing to count your blessings today, hop on over here and read the journey of faith, trials and tears of this little family. They are hardly through this long battle but the joy and love that radiates in their lives is a real blessing. And is a great testimony to the miracle of life.

In order to do a little of my own thought provoking here, what version does everyone prefer for their own personal Bible devotions? Is it KJV for you? Or NIV? Or NAS? Or RSV? Or ICBV? Or NKJV? Or ASV? Or UVWXYZ???? Not to offend anyone but I have given up on the KJV for my own personal Bible time. I was tired of pretending that I knew what it was saying and realized that having a short time in my day for Bible reading was not conducive for deep thinking on matters that should be simple to understand. So, I set aside my beloved KJV for my personal Bible reading (I do love that version best for sound and the ancient lingual flare) but I had to make my Bible reading more productive. What about you? Comment anonymously if you feel the need to.

Oh, and about the brownies... they were such a good idea that Landon asked first me and then his dad, "Does God like brownies?" I think that should explain how heavenly that treat was.

Kid Klips

Yeah Right
"Hey Court!" I heard Landon say as I walked out of the room. Turning slowly and silently with an aire of reproval on my face, I looked at him. He grinned (read, smirked) and quickly said, "I was talking to another Court."

Little Parrot
Toby often talks to Janae in an encouraging and soft voice when she deserves praise for something. He calls her endearing things like "sweetheart" at the same time as well. One day I overheard Landon and Janae playing and Landon was just doting on his little sister with the most affectionate tone of voice... "Good job, Sweetheart! That's how you do it Sweetheart! Hey Sweetheart..."

The Guy in the Brown Truck
Landon found a package on the table and knew exactly where it came from.... "Oh! the SRP came to our house!" (UPS)

A Language of Her Own
Janae: "Caucky" (said in a squaky tone of voice and implies coffee)
A hair bun is called a "bum."
Her new mud boots are called "boops."
"Na-niKe!" (Good night)
"I sick." (when she gets full prematuraly during a meal time and would just really like her dessert)
Basketball and popsicle are said the same.
For being a chatty little girl, her language skills are pretty much set in their own way and are very minimally at best the dialect of most English speaking people. It makes for interesting moments of communication.

Kid Klips

Know-it-all Brother
Explaining to Janae that the bag of chocolate chips she wanted to open was not for snacking, Landon "read" the back of the package.... "For making cookies and pancakes..."

He's Had Enough
I told Landon to clean up his room quickly. He informed me in desperation, "I already cleaned my room plenty of times... plenty of times I cleaned my room, Mom."

A Good Excuse Not to Nap
Not wanting to take a nap one day, Landon listlessly layed in his bed, stared up at the ceiling and said mournfully, "Mom, I am starting to die."

Why We Dress Warm
(before going outside) Landon: Jea, put your pants on or your knees will get cold.

Kid Klips

God And The Bible
Landon: Dad, does God have a Bible?


The Way To A Man's Stomach
I had just given Landon some prune juice. After he gulped down a few swallows he came over to me. "Hey Mom, look in my stomach," Landon said as he opened his mouth wide, "See my prune juice?"


One Thing God Can't Do
Landon: If Landon died, God could just make another one.


Landon's interpretations:
Train cars = hooks
Magnadoodle = write thing
Seward Walmart = the funny walmart


Have A Good Time/See Ya Later
Landon: Have a good later!


The Universal Headache
"I have a headache," Landon moaned from his car seat after church one Sunday. "Where's your headache, Landon?" I asked him. His response? "In my 'froat.' "


This Is The Way We Count
One day Landon was playing with 2 cars and I asked him how many cars he had. "Two," was his response. And then he went on, "See.... two, four, nine, six!"


Landon Millan
Brittney looked outside just in time to see the dog chewing on Landon's favorite shoes. "Landon, quick! get your shoe from Elly," she said, sending Landon out the door. Instead of taking the shoe and coming into the house which is what we assumed he'd do, he surprised us with something else. Just the night before, Landon had watched some brief video clips of Cesar Millan training dogs. It turns out that Landon had compiled his own technique on the matter. He implemented a few of them on are dense basset pup and then left his shoe on the deck. The dog never touched the shoe again.

If only he could get the dog to quit chewing on Janae!

Potty Training: Does It Ever End?

WHY do kids go through a stage where they HAVE to tell you that they need to go to the bathroom? And it's not just a, "hey mom, if you're wondering where I am, I'll be on the pot" kind of a thing. It's a an alert. A life and death warning. A if-you-don't-know-I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom-now-this-might-be-the-last-time-we-see-each-other-on-earth kind of notification. Same idea as when the Tax Man audits you. That gut wrenching, heart breaking information.

I have seen kids walk past the bathroom while having to go really bad. Where are they going that is more important than just going? Let me guess... they are on their way to tell their mom they have to go to the bathroom.

It sure would be nice if kids did that about other things. Like say for example, eating dog food. They walk past the dog food to ask if they can eat the dog food. And then you can know they are wanting to eat dog food and are able to stop them in time from contaminating themselves with dead meat in the dog food.

Or why not ask if they can bite their brother? When they suddenly feel the urge to bite their brother, they could ask you instead. Wouldn't that be nice? Just think of all the quarrels you could prevent, let alone the human mouth shaped teeth marks on your son's arm you could stop. That would be nice.

But, no. They only ask about the bathroom. Why is it an universal thing too? I have seen kids all over the country, the world, from many different homes, from many different nations ask their mom if they could use the bathroom.

I had thought for awhile we had evaded this stage of parenting/childhood with Landon but it looks now like we haven't. He is exactly almost 4 years old. I wonder if that's the normal age to start this stage or not?

I am thinking the next time Landon asks me if he can go to the bathroom, I will just say no. Absolutely not. "I am so glad you asked me if you could go because I had been meaning to tell you that today, you are not allowed to pee...." OF COURSE YOU CAN USE THE BATHROOM!

I have wondered if kids just want a personal escort to take them to the bathroom. Or if they were afraid of the darkness of some windowless bathrooms. Or if they needed to know that somebody cared about them. Or if they were afraid they'd sit on the big open expanse of the pot and out of the blue fall in and disappear forever down that cold, dark hole. Or if they are just testing our patience as time after time we point out the obvious... "For Pete's sake the bathroom is right there behind you and it has your name written all over it."

There are so many reasons that could be why kids have to notify their mom about their need to use the home's toilet facilities. I am just not sure if we know of all those possible reasons yet.

So, I scheduled an interview...

Me: Landon why do you tell Mommy when you have to go to the bathroom?

Landon: 'Cause... So when I poop you can know when you should come and do me. (by "do me," he means wipe.)

Me: Is that all?

Landon: No.

Me: What are the other reasons?

Landon: Because then you know how I'm done. And when I get off the potty chair, that's disobeying.

Me: Why is that disobeying? (I am wondering where this is going and where it came from.)

Landon: Because then you're gonna get a spanking. I'm serious. My dad used to be older (he means younger) and he got off the potty chair. When he was a little boy, I was big. I wasn't the little boy, Daddy was.

Me: What does Daddy being on the potty chair have to do with why you tell Mommy you have to go to the bathroom?

Landon: (he began to tell me about the UPS man (the SRP truck, as he calls him). I get him back on the subject at hand...) I don't know because... then you will come and wipe me. You have to come in about 3 minutes. Like today we went all potty in my potty chair... 2 of them. (he means he went twice but I'm not sure about the "we" part).

Me: Why do you tell Mommy when you just have to pee?

L: Hey Mom, let's talk about the monkey that peed...

Me: No, let's talk about why you ask Mommy everytime you have to pee.

L: Because.

Me: When you have to go potty, why do you tell mommy?

L: Because then I don't know what I have to say.

Me: Do you have to go potty right now?

L: No. I'm writing. (he was addressing his mail.)

Me: Well, Landon when you have to pee in a little bit, are you going to tell Mommy?

L: No. When I'm older then I'll go poop. (he then got up to get the stamps.)

Me: Landon, Mommy needs to talk to you about something... just like I talk to Daddy about things sometimes... why do have to tell Mommy that you're going to the bathroom?

L: Because then I won't understand you. And I'll talk to you... "Mommy I'm done." (he means he sits in the bathroom and says, "Mommy I'm done.)

I ask him again.

L: Because then I won't understand you and you won't come and I'll have to keep asking and asking. And you won't come because you're not...

Me: (a little King James speech there... "because she was not.") Okay, but why when you just pee?

L: Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause... the monkey peed.

Me: (okay, if you want to talk about the monkey, we'll talk about him...) Did he tell his mom?

L: Um, or his daddy. Or his friend.

Me: Really? So is that why you tell mommy?

L: Ummmmm. Uh-huh.

Me: When you ask me again if you can go to the bathroom, I'm gonna say no. Then what will you do?

L: Spank you.

Getting a little weary, I repeat my question one last time.

L: Because then...(his voice trailed off)... I don't know.

So, there's our proof. These kids really don't know. It's not some irrational fear that makes them tell us they have to go to the bathroom. It's not the dark. It's not the cold toilet seat. It's not their fear of forever being gone from us and getting flushed right down the toilet with their pee. It's not that they need permission.

The reason is because.... well, they don't know either.

Down With the Deer Landon Style

"Bang, bang, bang.... Mom, I'm shooting at you!" Landon called across the room. I quickly redirected him the ways of hunter safety and told him in simple words, "We don't shoot people, we only shoot animals."

"Oh. Aminals?" He clarifies.

"Yes, animals. You can shoot things like... um..." (I was trying to think of a good animal to shoot).

"SHEEP!" He interrupts my thinking. So, I agree with him; sheep are good to shoot. I mean, we count them in our sleep only to get an idea of how many there are to shoot the next day.

As Landon goes on his hunt, he eventually ended back up in the kitchen with me.

"Hey Mom," he says. "I'm shooting sheep and bears and moots!" he declares excitedly.

"Moots?" I asked him, "What's a moots?"

"Um... a moots is small.... really REALLY small... and it's an aminal... um.... its a moots," he finished with as if the name alone gave the definition. But, then he went on while deep in thought, "A moots pees really REALLY hard on deers and a moots poops on them too," he stated very matter-of-factly, as if this was a good character trait of an animal.

Wow. I was speechless. I was having a sudden vision of these rodent-size creatures that ran around the forest jumping on a deer's back with an intense fury while, well, doing what Landon says they do to deer.

And since "deers" are scarier to Landon than the bogey man is, I'm surprised he would have the desire to shoot an "aminal" that sounds to me like it is as against the deers as Landon is. Who would've thought a moots could be so detestable though. And where does this kid come up with this stuff?!

Kid Klips

We Match!

While noticing his sister's pink outfit and my poison ivy infected leg, Landon made a keen observation.

"Mom," he said. "Janae's clothes match your poison ivy."


Bacon?

"Patty cake patty cake, baker's man...." Landon seemed to have the song down real well. Until the end, "Put it in the oven for 'bacon' and me."


Showers For Boys; Baths For Girls

After learning how to take a shower by himself recentely, Landon was boasting of his achievements one morning. Janae joined in and started talking about taking a shower herself. Not to be outdone by his sister, Landon told her, "No Janae; girls are for baths."

Kid Klips

Landon One Liners...

"Dad, does God have a Bible?"

"If Landon died, God could just make another one."

"Have a good later!"

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The Way To A Man's Stomach
I had just given Landon some prune juice. After he gulped down a few swallows he came over to me. "Hey Mom, look in my stomach," Landon said as he opened his mouth wide, "See my prune juice?"

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The Universal Headache"
I have a headache," Landon moaned from his car seat after church one Sunday. "Where's your headache, Landon?" I asked him. His response? "In my 'froat.' "

Kid Klips

Where Babies Come From

A friend of ours who is a dad of all girls asked Landon if he could take baby Alex home with him since he didn't have any little boys of his own.

Referring to the man's wife, Landon answered frankly, "No, Julie should get a big belly."

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Church Issues

I overheard Landon having a conversation with one of the preachers from our church...

"Do you go to our church?" Landon asked him.

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Reoccurring Big Bellies

When Landon heard a friend of ours is expecting her sixth child, he responded astoundingly, "Sarah's going to have a big belly AGAIN??"

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The Best Conversation Starter

While sitting around the table eating dessert, Landon started making conversation with my friend Janelle. Landon began filling her in on some family details... about "mommy pushing her baby out..." and other such important topics. Out of the blue he asked her (referring to Janelle's own baby), "So, did you push your baby out?" (Ironically enough, she had a c-section.)

Needless to say, we interjected some parental distraction and saved our friend at least some embarrassment.

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Forget The Dishwasher

During dinner one day, I noticed Landon vigorously wiping his silverware with his napkin.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Cleaning my fork," he replied.

"Why are you cleaning your fork?" I wondered.

"Because it's dirty," he informed me.

That statement was followed with him getting up and attempting to put his silverware away.

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Where I Live

"Hey Mom," Landon said, getting my attention, "are we living by the neighbor's house?"

Landon Lines

A No Brainer
After asking me if he could sit on my lap while I was still pregnant, Landon struggled to get comfortable. First he leaned back into my chest but his back had to arch backwards over my big belly and that didn't feel good for him. So he tried a few other wiggles and still nothing was very relaxing for him. Finally, he slid off my lap and sat next to me in the chair, defeated. He tucked his blanket around his legs and simply said, "I don't fit."

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The Bogey Man
While walking to the park one evening, Landon pushed an empty doll stroller. I commented to him that his stroller was empty. He didn't seem to think it was. So I asked who was in his stroller. "The bogey man," he calmly replied.

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3 Year Old Theology
After hearing that Landon had been in a discussion with Grandma about talking to God, Toby questioned Landon on his thoughts on this matter.

Daddy: Does God talk?

Landon: Yeah.

Daddy: How does He talk?

Landon: Normal.

Daddy: What does He say?

Landon: Obey God.

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The Bug Hunter
Before letting Landon out the door to play one morning, he made an interesting request.

"Mom," he said, getting my attention. "Can I shoot bugs?"

Confused by his very intent request I asked him how he'd do that.

"With that thing," he said, pointing at the fly swatter hanging in the stair way.

Landon Lines

Who's Doing The Favor?
I asked Landon to fix something for me and after he agreed, he thanked me for asking him. Then he complimented me as he went right to the task and said, "You're being patient!"

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A New Twist To Row, Row, Row Your Boat
(sang to the orginal tune only add a few extra notes)
"Row, row, row, row, row, row your boat in the street, barely, barely, barely, barely, barely, barely be careful in the street."

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Landon's Three Favorite Songs
"Weeping and Praising God" (Walking and Leaping and Praising God)
"The B-I-B-Thee" (The B-i-b-l-e)
"Try to Obey" (Trust and Obey)

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What's Your Name?
Wishing to know the name of the friendly hostess that had prepared Sunday dinner for our family, Landon didn't know how else to ask her name without just getting to the point.

"Are you Grandma?" he asked the sweet, grey haired lady with lots of grandchildren shortly after lunch.

"Yes, I'm a grandma," she answered him with a smile.

"And is that Grandpa?" he asked, pointing into the other room where her husband sat.

"Yes, that's Grandpa," she responded to him.

Pleased with her answer, Landon went on to ask another question, "Hey Grandma..."

Kid Klips

A New Form Of Patience
"Mom, can you get my train tracks down?" Landon asked me one morning.

I promised him we would get them down after breakfast.

"Mom, can you get my train tracks down now?" he asked the second he finished his food.

I assured him that we would get them in just a few minutes.

"Mom, can you get my train tracks down now?" he asked a few seconds later.

I reminded him to wait, we would get the tracks as soon as everyone was done with breakfast.

"Can you get the tracks down in a few seconds?" he asked about 30 seconds later.

"Landon, you need to be patient and then mommy will get the tracks down," Toby admonished Landon.

About 2 seconds later, Landon said, "I'm being patient now, can you get the tracks down?"

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At Least He's Polite
One evening, Landon was being cute and funny and I just had to give him a kiss.

"Landon, do you need a kiss?" I asked him.

He shyly and quietly responded with a note of condescension, "Huh! NO!" and then quickly rephrased it, "no thank you."

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Unreliable Source Of Information
While engaged in a friendly chat with a lady from Church, Landon had a tight hold of Janae's hand. Suddenly, he turned the conversation to details about his little sister... how she had cut her hair this week, where the hair was cut, what it looked like now, etc.

Then he noticed her ringworm spot and had to point that out,

"And here," he pointed out, "Jea got hit by a car."

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Breaking The Ice
Approaching a very quiet, shy and rather reserved young mom from Church, Landon let her in on some details about the lady's own sister-in-law who is pregnant.

"Darla has a baby," he told her, "She has a baby in her big belly."

Kid Klips

Exactly My Point
While shopping one day, Landon informed me that we needed a dog.

"What would we ever do with a dog?" I asked him.

"Feed it," he said.

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What's With Drury Lane Anyway?
Landon was singing "Oh Do You Know The Muffin Man" in the car seat one evening and his ending was kinda cute... "that lives on the berry lane."

"Where is the berry lane?" I asked him.

He responded, "In Haiti." And then belted back into the song.

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I Guess We're Keepers
"I like my mom and dad," I heard Landon say while we were all driving together one evening.

"Well, that's good," I adoringly say to him.

But then he said, "Who they are?" (don't you just love that English?!)

Surprised by his lack of wisdom in this area I asked, "Don't you know who you're mom and dad are?"

And then he relieves me as he refers to both Toby and I and says, "Are you my mom and dad?"

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I Asked For Humility And God Gave Me Kids
Changing carts one day in Sam's club, Landon asked me why we had to get a new cart.

"Because your seat is broke and it'll make your butt sore," I frankly inform him.

"My butt?" he says, way too loud.

"SHHHHHH! Landon... don't say that so loud!" he was quickly admonished by his embarrassed mother.

"Why can't I say 'my butt' loud?" he says in a tone hardly any quieter.

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On Moms And Tools
For some reason, Landon thinks that a contractor's level and a ladder are two similar things. He insists on using a 4' foot level as a ladder and will lean it against the wall, secure it carefully and then climb up it.

One day I was trying to show him how to actually use the level. You know, show him how the "bubble" worked. He seemed impressed, tried it a few times and then leaned the level carefully against the wall and reached way up to where the level met the wall and balanced a screw driver there.

"Go out, Mom," he suddenly ordered me.

"Landon," I say in a reproving tone of voice and not impressed with his rude request, "why do you want Mommy to go out?"

He points up at the screw driver perched above his head and says, "I need to work up there," fully indicating the level was still a ladder.