Wednesday, January 30, 2008
"Waaa, Waaa, Waaaa, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."
Eventually, two wet-pull-up kids meander out to the land of the living. I direct them in the ways of proper hygiene: discard pull-up and put on underwear/clean pull-up. (depending on the child's personal bladder success.) When I step on a squishy, wet, gross peed-in-all-night-pull-up later that morning, I realize an act of disobedience was committed. I am considering taping a small trash can to my kid's bottom so that they will remember to THROW THE STINKIN' PULL-UP AWAY.
Yawn. Where's the coffee?
"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom."
It's amazing to me that with most kids, any dislikes they may be experiencing when they wake up in the morning can be calmed by food. So, I usually nurse first thing in my day and then feed the other kids. Then the tune of my sound track changes...
"We were going to have hot cocoa! You said last night that when it's light out we could have hot cocoa! I want hot cocoaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
"I need to go to the bathroom."
"I need a kleenex," said by a high-chair-confined-snot-nose-dripping kid.
"Waaa. Waaa. Waaa. Waaa. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." etc.
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom, can I go downstairs and ride my bike?"
(this repetitious Mom. Mom. Mom. stuff has got to stop.)
Said by Mom in about 2 seconds:
"Child number 1, get off the baby."
"Child number 2, get off the dishwasher. "
"Hey Mom, do babies fart?"
"Hey Mom, do ducks fly?"
"Mom, do ducks FLY?"
"Mom, do ducks FFFLLLYYY?"
"No Mom, do ducks FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"
Yes Landon, they fly.
Cat runs through house just then. Confiscate her quick before the leather recliner sports any new holes.
Baby bumps head. Pat his bottom for comfort.
Get Janae off dishwasher. Again. She is putting dishes away.
Duck flies past my head... "Hey Mom, he's flying!"
(it's about time.)
Blocks begin spilling all over living room floor: clean living room, may I add. House stinks like poop/dirty diaper. Cat runs through house again. Baby cries.
Child puts on sandals and heads out the back door to play in the barely-above-zero weather. The non-house dog walking in the kitchen alerts me to the fact that a door was open, a child probably left and the possibility that the dog already peed on the floor is pretty great.
"Mom, I'm going outside and I won't freeze that bad though."
"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom."
"Can we have hot cocoa now? You said when it was light out, we could have hot cocoa."
Janae, keep the cat down stairs.
"Mom, dis my babeeee!" she tells me with the fur ball cradled in her arms.
"I'm really firsty!"
Get a drink.
I look up in time to see a kid precariously teetering on the edge of the sink, crawling from one side of the sink to the other.
MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. (live sound effect of live cat being caught by live two year old.)
3 year old wrestles with baby. He tells me he did this when he was big and had his own kid. (Not sure where this reincarnation philosophy is coming from.)
"That's NICE!" I hear Janae saying from kitchen as he admires her cup of water. She needed a "rink" too.
3 year old attempts to steal cup from 2 year old.
"Can we eat hot chocolate now?"
No, not yet.
"UH! that's what you said...."
Yes, I know... when it's light out we can have hot cocoa.
Children began digging in tool drawer. A paint brush flies across the living room. A screw driver attempts to take the door of a china cabinet off. A chisel scrapes across a piece of furniture. Baby blows bubbles on the kitchen floor and officially scoots himself for first time from one dirty spot on the floor to another dirty spot. Baby bumps head. Kids go down stairs to play.
"MOM! There's a boogy man in the basement so I need to get a gun!" (he heads for some of the vacuuming cleaner hoses.)
"MOM! Boogy man!" A wide eyed blue eyed girl explains with shock on her face.
Not the vacuum cleaner. Do not touch the vacuum cleaner.
"I'm going buh-bye," Janae informs me.
"Yeah, she's going buh-bye," Landon explains.
Water spills. Landon wrestles the baby again. Baby cries. Cat tries to get upstairs. Again. Janae wants to get dressed. She's leaving, remember?
The sound track starts the next track. Kids play with toys nicely. Baby quits bumping his head. The phone isn't ringing. Cat stays down stairs. A lit candle takes care of that poop smell. What a picture perfect morning!
Is anybody ready for hot cocoa yet?
This account is based on a true story. All names, dates, places and occurrences are not author's imagination. Any link to persons known or unknown is not coincidental. Use discretion if under 3: asking your mom for hot cocoa a million times a day just because she said you could have it the night before, does not warrant a good enough reason to drink the stuff at the crack of dawn. And saying Mom. Mom. Mom. (rinse, lather, repeat...) is an unkind act in an attempt to destroy a loved one's sanity.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
That's what happened today.
We were scheduled to have a major event take place in our basement aka: The Water Hole. We were getting a high class drain tile system put in so that we could use our basement and keep our socks dry. Not only to keep our socks dry but also to store a few kids down there.
This was our list before the basement people came:
- Clean garage
- Clean out basement and put everything in pre-cleaned garage
- Dig 2 large holes next to exeterior basement wall
- Cut 2 large holes in basement wall
- Install 2 large windows in the holes in basement wall
- Sweep up the entire mess
- Repeat sweeping
- Do all laundry
- Move washer, dryer, freezer, non-garaged storage items to center of basement
- Make plans to leave for the day
- Resign to having a house full of dust upon arrival home
- Surrender to vacuuming, sweeping, dusting dust for several weeks from the basement
- Dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust, dust...... etc.
All the above was completed so everything was in order, right? Wrong. Little did we know about the predicament of a very important little thing: the structure that made up the footings, walls and floor of our home. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Toby planned to run errands today in preparation for the upcoming home show. Now, the home show is a big event for us. We advertise our business there and have done so 4 out of the 5 years we've been married. I have a little animosity for the home show. Yes, it helps my husband bring home the bacon and all that good stuff but the home show and I are competing for the same affection: Toby.
You see, we were married February 15, a mere week after that first home show Toby and his brother participated their business in. I was not aware this would be a yearly affair. I was a gullible, young, girlfriend that thought getting married was simply picking a date and establishing a wedding that would transpire into a marriage. I forgot about the anniversaries that always follow a wedding.
So, I said all that to say that every year, the home show falls right before, on or after our anniversary. EVERY SINGLE YEAR. The home show people and I must have been thinking the same dates when we both planned for our big events.
As Toby planned the errands he had to run, I looked forward to cruising around Lincoln with him in a loud, big truck. How romantic! Especially with 3 screaming kids. Well, make that 2 kids and 1 screaming kid.
We woke up this morning to a Nebraska Prairie Blizzard. After the almost 50 degree weather we had the two days before, 8 degrees above zero was pretty cold. (at least we were still above zero though). Toby said his plans had changed because of the weather and he would just stay home and do book work. Fine with me since I knew we'd still all be together like one big happy family.
Then the basement people got here and got right to work. I could here machines running, guys talking and real work going on down there. I ran to the grocery store to get coffee and milk and braved the frigid weather and bad roads.
Arriving home I could hear nothing but Alex screaming loudly in the highchair. He was saying something about being left alone, everyone leaving and wondering why everyone hated him. Tears were literally spraying off his face.
I could hear no work. No people talking. No machines. The silence sounded interesting. I made coffee, consoled Alex and put groceries away while Landon and Janae ransacked the packaged groceries. A ripped package of beef caused by a child's finger and another child wanting to open up a cake mix because he promised he wouldn't eat it was making my day a tad stressful.
And then Toby came up and broke the news to me. I couldn't understand all the logistics but it had something to do with the fact that our basement was originally constructed wrong. The footings were not being used like they should and the floor was in the wrong place. They couldn't install the drain tile. Bummer, especially when you can't just move the floor like you can move a wall.
The crew was waiting on a supervisor to get here before arriving to a verdict and Toby wallowed in a big pool of What Are We Going To Do Now. It sounded bad. This cute little bungalow we bought last year was a lemon. And when you want a house and get a lemon, that is not a good thing. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade but how do you make lemonade out of a lemon house? We figured we'd just have to do that by tearing the entire basement out and starting from scratch. But, how could we do that? We couldn't afford that. So much for new bedrooms. So much for a new kitchen. Poor wasted egress windows already installed in the basement.
The head honcho guy got here and had a few solemn talks on his cell phone outside in the frigid wind and snow. The guys downs stairs started hauling their tools and machines and noise outside back to the truck. Toby looked like he was preparing for a long swim in his What Are We Going To Do Now pool. (that look is similar to what most people would look like when they prepare to attend the funeral of a loved one.) I was trying to find a recipe for lemonade but I had none of the ingredients except for one big fat ugly lemon.
Finally, a verdict was made. The supervisor head honcho guy became the hero. Superhero. He explained the situation of our walls and that there was a product available that would be used in situations like ours. And the best thing was this: the new product (though it cost a tad more) was installed via Epoxy on the existing floor! No jack hammering out the perimeter of the basement floor! No dust! No waiting a week for 18" of cement to dry on the perimeter of the basement before we could build rooms! No more lemons!
Never before have I felt like worshipping something other than God but a part of me wanted to utter reverent praises to Thrasher Basement Systems. They truly saved the day and our house. The only draw back was the fact that they couldn't get here to do that installment until the middle of February. But, what's the big deal? I mused... we already have the home show then, our anniversary and Valentines day... why not add another historical event to that week?
Shortly after, the sun came out. The landscape was covered in a fresh blanket of white snow. The blizzard stopped. It was so pretty. Toby got back to work on his book work. Just then, his computer froze and began to flash really weird. It then wouldn't turn on. Another lemon. Why the computer? Why Toby's computer? He needs his computer for book work just like you need money to pay your bills. He needs his computer for work. For that home show. He doesn't just need a computer; he needs it to work. So, he made plans to take it in and get it looked at.
He went to our reliable, steady van only to crank the key and hear nothing but a dead battery. He decided to try my computer and began to transfer files from his portable hard drive. Word shut down unexpectedly. He had gotten none of his bookwork done all day and it was now 1:30 pm.
Finally, the van battery got charged and Toby left for town. I told him I still wanted to be a wife by the end of the day so please, stay safe and don't have anything else bad happen. He couldn't promise anything and mumbled something about being jinxed.
So, with that, I kissed him goodbye, found a cup of coffee and sat down and blogged. That's my way of making lemonade when life gives me lemons. Aren't you glad?
Just for the record and because of the context of this blog, I almost posted this twice to Toby's blog because I didn't see that he was signed in on this computer and not me. I signed out and signed back in twice before it worked. It is a miracle that with all the copying and pasting, this post actually survived it's traumatizing journey to the wide web world.
Friday, January 25, 2008
No. Those are not the indescribably glorious reasons. Those are obviously glorious reasons but that fact that I described them indicates they do not fall in the "indescribably" category.
The indescribably glorious thing about living in your home while remodeling is the feeling of "I can do this" that overtakes you at the end of everyday, and at the dawn of every morning. The feeling of "I am actually surviving" that you feel when you walk through a haze of thick dust just to get to the shower that night. The feeling of "If this doesn't pass soon, I will lose my mind" that you feel on a gloomy day only to have everything feel right that night when your husband comes home and completes the current phase of your project. And that horrible feeling you get in the midst of a long day when you think it all will never end.
The experience of living in a mess. The experience of eating dust. The experience of bathing your kids twice a day because of the dust cloud in your house. The experience of feeling dirty all the time. The experience of not getting enough sleep and working too hard. The experience of insanity.
But, the crux of this indescribably glorious reason about remodeling your home while living in it, is the experience of experiencing all of the above and actually thriving in your survival. I see now why people devote their entire blogs to their latest in home house remodel. It's like running a marathon and winning. The new kitchen, the new basement, the bigger floor plan, those are all secondary. The bliss of it all is looking back and saying, "I did it. I did it. I actually did it."
Monday, January 21, 2008
I have seen kids walk past the bathroom while having to go really bad. Where are they going that is more important than just going? Let me guess... they are on their way to tell their mom they have to go to the bathroom.
It sure would be nice if kids did that about other things. Like say for example, eating dog food. They walk past the dog food to ask if they can eat the dog food. And then you can know they are wanting to eat dog food and are able to stop them in time from contaminating themselves with dead meat in the dog food.
Or why not ask if they can bite their brother? When they suddenly feel the urge to bite their brother, they could ask you instead. Wouldn't that be nice? Just think of all the quarrels you could prevent, let alone the human mouth shaped teeth marks on your son's arm you could stop. That would be nice.
But, no. They only ask about the bathroom. Why is it an universal thing too? I have seen kids all over the country, the world, from many different homes, from many different nations ask their mom if they could use the bathroom.
I had thought for awhile we had evaded this stage of parenting/childhood with Landon but it looks now like we haven't. He is exactly almost 4 years old. I wonder if that's the normal age to start this stage or not?
I am thinking the next time Landon asks me if he can go to the bathroom, I will just say no. Absolutely not. "I am so glad you asked me if you could go because I had been meaning to tell you that today, you are not allowed to pee...." OF COURSE YOU CAN USE THE BATHROOM!
I have wondered if kids just want a personal escort to take them to the bathroom. Or if they were afraid of the darkness of some windowless bathrooms. Or if they needed to know that somebody cared about them. Or if they were afraid they'd sit on the big open expanse of the pot and out of the blue fall in and disappear forever down that cold, dark hole. Or if they are just testing our patience as time after time we point out the obvious... "For Pete's sake the bathroom is right there behind you and it has your name written all over it."
There are so many reasons that could be why kids have to notify their mom about their need to use the home's toilet facilities. I am just not sure if we know of all those possible reasons yet.
So, I scheduled an interview...
Me: Landon why do you tell Mommy when you have to go to the bathroom?
Landon: 'Cause... So when I poop you can know when you should come and do me. (by "do me," he means wipe.)
Me: Is that all?
Me: What are the other reasons?
Landon: Because then you know how I'm done. And when I get off the potty chair, that's disobeying.
Me: Why is that disobeying? (I am wondering where this is going and where it came from.)
Landon: Because then you're gonna get a spanking. I'm serious. My dad used to be older (he means younger) and he got off the potty chair. When he was a little boy, I was big. I wasn't the little boy, Daddy was.
Me: What does Daddy being on the potty chair have to do with why you tell Mommy you have to go to the bathroom?
Landon: (he began to tell me about the UPS man (the SRP truck, as he calls him). I get him back on the subject at hand...) I don't know because... then you will come and wipe me. You have to come in about 3 minutes. Like today we went all potty in my potty chair... 2 of them. (he means he went twice but I'm not sure about the "we" part).
Me: Why do you tell Mommy when you just have to pee?
L: Hey Mom, let's talk about the monkey that peed...
Me: No, let's talk about why you ask Mommy everytime you have to pee.
Me: When you have to go potty, why do you tell mommy?
L: Because then I don't know what I have to say.
Me: Do you have to go potty right now?
L: No. I'm writing. (he was addressing his mail.)
Me: Well, Landon when you have to pee in a little bit, are you going to tell Mommy?
L: No. When I'm older then I'll go poop. (he then got up to get the stamps.)
Me: Landon, Mommy needs to talk to you about something... just like I talk to Daddy about things sometimes... why do have to tell Mommy that you're going to the bathroom?
L: Because then I won't understand you. And I'll talk to you... "Mommy I'm done." (he means he sits in the bathroom and says, "Mommy I'm done.)
I ask him again.
L: Because then I won't understand you and you won't come and I'll have to keep asking and asking. And you won't come because you're not...
Me: (a little King James speech there... "because she was not.") Okay, but why when you just pee?
L: Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause... the monkey peed.
Me: (okay, if you want to talk about the monkey, we'll talk about him...) Did he tell his mom?
L: Um, or his daddy. Or his friend.
Me: Really? So is that why you tell mommy?
L: Ummmmm. Uh-huh.
Me: When you ask me again if you can go to the bathroom, I'm gonna say no. Then what will you do?
L: Spank you.
Getting a little weary, I repeat my question one last time.
L: Because then...(his voice trailed off)... I don't know.
So, there's our proof. These kids really don't know. It's not some irrational fear that makes them tell us they have to go to the bathroom. It's not the dark. It's not the cold toilet seat. It's not their fear of forever being gone from us and getting flushed right down the toilet with their pee. It's not that they need permission.
The reason is because.... well, they don't know either.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
-- Newer kitchens these days seem to be getting away from themes. Like, gone is the 90's trend when every room was defined by a theme. Especially kitchens.
-- The cottage look is in.
-- Updated houses are avoiding wall paper.
-- And doubly avoiding boarder.
-- A second sink in a kitchen is nice.
-- A second sink in a kitchen that's lower than standard is really nice. When you have kids.
-- A really scheduled baby is a really happy baby.
-- Wall cupboards are often hung at different heights. I wonder if this is just a trend or if it will stick like antiques do. They never go out of style.
-- I am really digging the 50's look. Polka dots and pastels all the way.
-- You can actually change/adjust/rearrange your kitchen lay out because of a 5" high window that you can't even see out of.
-- You can also consider buying a new stove for $1,000 just to fit it below the 5" high window that you can't even see out of.
-- You can have a 5" high window (that's about 4 feet long) in your kitchen that you can't see out of and that you are constructing your plan around, spending extra money on in order to incorporate it in your new kitchen plan and not even know exactly what to call that window. I call it a "barn window" because all the Wisconsin dairy barns have these 5" square glass block windows in the cement part of the walls. Where I come from, these glass blocks are widely known as Barn Windows. Toby asked me one day what in the world I had just called that window.
-- You can have an argument with your spouse and not even disagree on the topic.
-- You can debate with your spouse and not even disagree on the topic.
-- You can give the silent treatment over a topic you argued and debated but didn't disagree on.
-- The silent treatment doesn't always mean that you are quiet and avoiding your spouse. It could also mean that you just let them talk and explain them self better.
-- Just because it sounds like an argument doesn't mean it is one.
-- A scheduled baby is a happy baby. (did I already say that?)
-- A happy scheduled baby means a happy house.
-- A happy house means a happy spouse. (that goes for both the husband and wife.)
-- I just found out our house does have a mouse. Or two. It eats all the dog food.
-- A young cat can create a million tiny holes in a corner of your new leather recliner in just one millisecond. And ten minutes later it can match the contrasting corner with the same design of claw prints. Bad kitty.
-- A centipede that you can hear is a big centipede.
-- 4" of snow in Wisconsin is not a bad thing; 4" of snow in Nebraska is not a good thing.
-- Having the baby move out of our room never sounded so good. Or, so possible.
-- A 3-year-old with a screw driver can take his toy box apart. He really can.
-- And he can do it while you're blogging. Seriously.
-- Quiet children are a bad sign.
-- It means they are probably losing the screws they took out of the toy box.
-- I'd advise that you should probably more than likely end your blog so you can inspect the unfortunate toy box. And the busy children. And find the screws.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
No seriously. This is ridiculous. I have so many "save now" blogs that I am getting tired of blogging anymore because my blog moments last about 3 paragraphs and then they're gone. It's like getting to the punch line of a joke and forgetting the punch line.
Or, if I do still have the thought running in my head, the baby is ready to be fed, or the phone rings, or the cat scratches Janae, or my husband comes home, or Landon cuts his finger with a razor blade and comes upstairs with blood running all over his hand, or it's suppertime and the food is burning, or it's time for bed, or the kids wake up from naps, or I unexpectedly go offline for no good reason, or I run out of coffee in my cup. Constantly, there are things pulling me from my blog.
Okay, where was I? Oh yeah...
So. I decided to not do that anymore. You know, do that. By that, I mean, well, what do I mean? Should I ignore the baby when he needs food? Should I run and hide in the bathroom when hubby comes home neglecting to kiss him... "just wait a sec honey, this blog moment is giving me a headache..." Or, should I just not start blogging ever? Or should I post everything I start even if it's not concluded?
I'm just not sure how to get around this one.
But, while we all think on this, I will say that my mind is very overwhelmingly filled with a whole new set of worms, so to speak. We are remodeling our doll house sized kitchen and completely doubling the space. If you've never set up an entire kitchen from start to finish, you should try it sometime in your spare time even if you don't have any spare time. Even if you don't have an old kitchen to remodel, you should still try it. As a Beginner Kitchen Planner Expert, I can assure you any thought you put into your imagined kitchen is well worth any sleep you lose over it now. Let me know how many drawers you decided to have in your kitchen and if you thought having your trash pull out in it's own separate drawer/cupboard/slide-out-thingy was the most awesome idea ever. Oh, and if you thought it should pull out towards the sink or the stove because you certainly couldn't have it pull towards both.
The reason we can actually change the kitchen is because we are changing everything else in our house except for the four outside walls and all the bed sheets. Actually, we are leaving the living room, a bedroom and the bathroom. Even the back door is moving and the basement steps. You can imagine all the plans, decisions and ideas we are concocting. And all within a budget, of course. We are gaining 2 bedrooms, losing one, building a closet and expanding the dining room one way and shrinking it another. We are also eliminating the leaky basement through proper water management which I am hoping will eliminate the snakes as well.
So, if I go on another unannounced blogging strike in the near future, you will understand that either I a) lost my train of thought or b) have absolutely nothing to blog about or c) am just too busy to blog or d) lost my computer in the mess that is sure to be our home for the next several months.
Okay, I think that was all I was going to say so I'll end here with, The End.
now to just find that button that puts this on the web and not my draft list....
Monday, January 14, 2008
I have a dog
I neglect my blog
and feed my dog
aren't you excited
my priorities are righted?
I have kids
they play with lids
they play with pans
they play with cans
they play with pots
they play a lots
I have a house
without a mouse
I like to bake
without a snake
my house you see
it has some snakes
and that is bad
oh, that is sad
It is such a pain
to hear the rain
it comes right in
and that is sin
the floor is wet
and the snakes they get
wet snake bellies
and eyes of wet jellies
We are taking the time
to spend a dime
to fix our home
and the snakes that roam
the water will leave
oh I can't believe
my house will be dry
the snakes go buh-bye!
With another dime
(I love this rhyme)
our kitchen so small
is expanding a wall
a bigger and better
(oh, I just love this letter)
is coming to us
such a happy fuss!
Without further adieu
let me say to you
that writer's block
it has a lock
where I like to think
and put to ink
the things I think
and the thoughts that dink
With a small fight
I broke the tight
block of lock
that block of mock
that kept me quiet
I hope you didn't buy it
that I wasn't busy
or perhaps even dizzy
And here I am
a blogging ma'am
coming to you
with a rhyme that's new
to tell you that
my work is fat
my work is full
my work not dull
My kitchen a mess
(the heart of this nest)
is getting some work
and I must not shirk
on making food
for my handsome dude
or watching my kids
play with my lids
So all that to say
that from this day
I will try to blog
(and feed the dog)
but I may not be
updating this site
so go fly a kite!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
If I could do anything to stop time, I would.
Because it's been 5 years since I walked down that aisle and out of singleness. And I left all but 2 friends behind me. And I'm already 5 years ahead of all my single friends. And when they do finally get married, we will hardly be able to be newlyweds together anymore!
And this is tragic. I mean, true friends stick by each other to the end and here I am enjoying marriage and kids and babies and child birth and labor and they sit there on the side waiting. Alone. With no one there beside them. I am not being a very good true friend.
So, I made one New Year's resolution this year. Yes, ONE. I decided to take one day a week to pray for a certain friend and her unknown prospective spouse. The next day, another friend, and so on and so forth. Seriously.
I know if I stop the time right now (even if I could) I would mess with God's plan... unless He had it in His plan to have me stop time but we all know that's probably not possible. But, if I support God's plan and pray for all you lassies out there, perhaps it will turn the heart of your prince and cause the wedding sun to shine on you.
We all know that marriage is not for everyone; some of us do never marry. But, a wise older man once told my husband (it happened to be in the week he met me) that most people do marry.
We all believe that singleness is a blessing. And we are single unless we marry, not until. (a little change of perspective there.) But, scripture also says that "he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22)
It high is time for some young men out there to start obtaining favor of the Lord and for you girls to become "good things."
That is why I'm praying.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
So, not quite understanding exactly what "be ye holy" means in the context of that verse, I look it up and finds it means "most holy thing, a saint."
Great! That is simple.
Then I put in in practical terms... how I can be holy like God. I went on and read in Vines that this holiness is not a spiritual attainment but a complete and full sanctification daily. Something that is practiced daily. It gives me the hope that no matter where I am in my "holiness" I am free because I never do have to attain. That is not for me. It is God's grace in me doing that work. I never have to be judge on my holiness. I never have to be categorized. Of course, people can if they want, and I'm sure they do, but it doesn't matter. I am not judged by their rule of holiness; I am judged by Gods.
This sainthood is not an attainment, it is a state into which God in grace calls men; yet believers are called to sanctify themselves consistently with
their calling, cleansing themselves from all defilement, forsaking sin, living a
"holy" manner of life, and experiencing fellowship with God in His holiness.
And that gives me freedom and that gives me hope.
I love having that law of liberty take it's course in my soul and spread it's joy to the far corners of my heart.
But, like a pendulum swinging on a clock back and forth, I bounce back into reality and take a narrow straw that is my belief system and fickely place the narrow opening on this Biblical concept. And then the checklist begins. And then reality hits. And while walking in faith on the stormy sea of water that is called life, I began to sink in despair when I look to a preconceived concept of holiness and take my eyes off Jesus; my true example of holiness.
I am held back by a faithless grasp on God. I cannot attain that holiness. My heart can yearn for it, my spirit can take hold of it and my mind can even grasp it. But, in practical every day life, I am influenced by an interpretation of what holiness means. The straw I am looking down fills with a check list of what "holy" like God means and looks like.
And then come the doubts. And Satan whispering in my ear how "unholy" this is. Or that is... like he can really judge holiness anyway. And I look around me to gauge what holiness should be. Just like Peter looked around while walking on the water.
Oh to stay above the stormy water! To breath the air of Life created for freedom! To live The Abundant Life that Jesus promised!
And to remember that Peter didn't start sinking until he looked at the circumstances around him. Until he remembered another law. Until he questioned Christ's direction. Until he was unlike Christ.
That was when he sank. And that's when I will too.