The following story is not based on a true story; it IS a true story.
I stepped out of the room for approx. 30 seconds. I had to tell Toby an important detail or piece of information that is totally failing my memory now. It must've been important at the time though because I was sacrificing my constant vigil on the kiddos in order to tell their dad something interesting for 27.9 seconds.
So, I finish telling him, and then wearily muse to myself (but out loud) that I had to get back to the kids because somebody was probably dying by now.
Landon heard me and said, "What? Somebody is dying, Mom? Who's dying?"
I didn't have time to answer because I looked into the living room and saw Alex (8mo. old) laying on the couch on his belly with a pillow on top of him while he chewed on my shoe.
Okay, when I left Alex, he was safely sitting on the floor with a blanket several feet from the couch.
I don't leave my shoes on the couch.
I don't put the baby on the couch and then leave the room.
I don't put pillows on top of the baby while he lays on the couch when I'm not in the room.
And I definitely don't let him chew on my shoe.
Landon was very quick to inform me that he put Alex there and by the look on his face, I could see he thought it was a great idea.
"Mom, I picked him up really tight," was his explanation that I guess was supposed to help me not be alarmed by the situation.
As if this wasn't enough excitement, I decided to go tell Toby what happened.
I came back through the dining room on my way back from Toby (I was gone for about 7.5 seconds that time) and what should I find but Janae awkwardly lumbering about in boots on the wrong feet.
I told her to take the boots off.
She turned around to do that (or so I thought) and took off running, tripping, falling and landing with one boot flung off, one boot stuck on and one very sore foot. Oh, and she was in tears too. Lots of tears. Loud tears, by the way.
This time, Toby came to the situation (the tears were loud, remember?) so I didn't have to risk anybody else's life in order to inform him of the family happenings.
And then, to end our story, let me tell you about what happened next.
I was blogging here for just a moment. Alex and Janae were both feet away from me right in my line of vision. What should happen but Alex started choking and coughing and gagging and gasping and eventually swallowing something mysterious.
I'm not even going to tell Toby this part in our story today but trust he will just have to find it on this blog; I can't risk blinking my eyes for a second let alone leaving the room for 2 seconds.
That's why I blog. So Toby (and the rest of the world) won't wonder what made me go crazy the day I end up in the nut house. And it also keeps him (and you) updated on the unbelievables that actually happen behind our closed doors.