Saturday, March 01, 2008

A Time To Build And A Time To Tear Down

Ripped Off Child's Folding Table Cover!
Broken *New* CD Player Hatch!
Important Flash Drive Found In Dryer!
Chunk Of Glass Missing From Favorite China Tea Cup!
Shredded Pants Leg During Naptime!
Ink On Bedsheet During Naptime!
Mud Trails Through Private Residence!

You are probably thinking that I'm writing headlines for a horror magazine or becoming an editor for those dumb check out aisle magazines that your mom always forbade you to read since nothing in them was true anyway. Actually, it's neither. I am writing a documentation of the incidents that have taken place within the four walls of our home recently.

Tools and methods used to implement destruction:

Table cover
Quick moving, swift handled butter knives. The faster the better. Invite your sister to participate. (This happened in 2 minutes max and I was sitting just 10 feet away).

Broken CD player
Repetitious slamming of CD lid with a little added "umph." That's all I have to say about that.

Flash drive tragedy
If it fits in your pocket, then put it there; right? Of course right. She showed me how she put it in her pocket and everything. But, guess who got blamed? The Laundry Lady: because she didn't check pockets... I digress. I have to wonder just WHO would think that leaving an important Flash drive with in a toddler's reach is a good idea anyway? In case this isn't escalated bad enough in your mind, this flash drive held my father-in-law's entire computer on it. And then some. He left for Haiti the day before the missing Flash drive appeared.

Devasted China tea cup
Slam-buffet-drawer-quickly-when-you-hear-Mom-coming. China conveniently topples, falls and chips in sufficient manners. Great method because you never actually have to touch the China but it still gets the job done.

Shredded Pants
The next time boredom sets in when you are supposed to be napping, just begin picking (with your fingers) at the seam of your pants. Like you'd pick your nose. You will soon have a fancy design styled on the knee of your pants unlike any of your friends. The frayed look is in folks! Wear it generously.

Tattooed bed sheet
The next time boredom sets in when you are supposed to be napping, just find a pen. Write your thoughts on the first thing you see and get expressive.

Mud trails
Bring nature indoors! Cram mud generously in your mud boots and proceed to stamp your footprint all over the house. Not much is needed: mud is noticed more indoors than outside so a little goes a long way.

Side notes:

The CD player thankfully did not have a CD in it. That was one less thing that got wrecked that day.

Let mud dry on the carpet then vacuum. It really works. Especially when you procrastinate.

The China tea cup... sadness. I might be able to replace it.

Pants and bedsheets can be replaced.

We learned that Flash drives can actually be washed in a front load washer. And put through a dryer cycle. And still work. Through this experiment, we found that they are actually quite kid proof. Get a few for your kids to play with; it takes a lot to destroy them which is something you can't say about very many toys these days.

I can be glad: at least we all still have all our body parts and limbs intact. When most of the above happened in one day alone, I began to fear for the next moment. And for my life.

But, like my husband always says, "It'll all be fine in end; if it's not fine, then it's not the end yet."


Jean said...

Probably isn't the end yet even if it is momentarily fine.

I enjoy your unique way of presenting "the news".

Pat VE said...

As an oldster/caregiver my household is most precarious in the area of tripping on or threading the oxygen hose in and out of a walker or wheel chair while moving. Some falls have cost $$$$$$$$$$$$$$. Others are the near-falls that send the adrenalin through the body and the muscles and skeleton work to stop the fall. I am not sure which is worse. And then there are corners of tightly squeezed furniture that tatoo the upper thighs on a regular basis. My blind husband doesn't get to admire them, so they are battle wounds that are pretty well unnoticed.
I really enjoyed reading about your helpers. Oh for the age of innocence.