When Knocking On Wood Is Something You Regret Doing

Just the other day, I was patting myself on the back (and knocking on wood) over something I had achieved for so long. In all my 4 years of motherhood, I had never once had to call the life-line for consultation and information: Poison Control. I had never had to endure the traumatic experience of a child ingesting a near-fatal substance or realize my darling baby had just consumed a poisonous substance.

Until the other day...

I was cleaning the guinea pig's cage and diligently performing virtuous womanly acts upon Alice's (the guinea pig) house. It was near sparkling and we were almost done when I requested one of my children give the wailing baby a toy to be entertained by. And what should the child-who's-name-we-will-not-disclose-at-this-time give the baby? A pee concentrated block of wood that has been sitting in guinea pig manure for several months. It was the chewing block for the guinea pig's sharp teeth but I think she had used it for her lavatory instead.

So the baby had guinea pig pee breath and guinea pig pee drool on his shirt and the end of the pee concentrated block had been sanitized with a saturation of the baby's own personal baby drool. I guess that was probably the cleanest the guinea pig's chewing block had been in a while.

As all mothers of the Twenty-first century do when they are in a predicament, I turned to Google and googled, "Infant swallowed guinea pig urine" but only got information about guinea pigs being used for laboratory use and how they're kidneys operate and make urine out of the laboratory-specimenal-concoctions administered for testing. That wasn't much help to me because I knew my guinea pig's kidneys were having no problem excreting urine. Hasn't any one's child ever swallowed guinea pig pee before? Apparently not.

At the suggestion of a close family member, I made the call to Poison Control and explained the dire situation. They concluded that the baby probably did not get enough to become contaminated and that I should just watch for signs of food poisoning... ie., diarrhea. "Wonderful," I thought to myself since he already had diarrhea thanks to all the teeth he is getting right now.

Surprisingly, he had no complications and he didn't even have diarrhea anymore either -- whether related or unrelated to the guinea pig pee block, his messed up bowels were no longer messed up.

And so ends another story on the reasoning that people should just really stop knocking on wood. It's also another confirmation that pride goes before a fall, just like the Proverb says. How sad that I use my baby as a guinea pig to test these theories though.