Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Things I Hope You Never have to Do, Say or Think

It's a bad situation if you have to tell your son to get out of the fridge. Literally, "get out of the fridge." And then he steps down and gets out. Literally. I mean, it's good that he gets out but the fact that you have to tell him to do that, is probably not a good thing.

Hopefully you'll never have to say that like I did today.

It's a rather pointless situation if you have a fire safety guy over to your house and while he's there, you put a pot of water on to boil and you unintentionally put the pot on the wrong burner. That is just not a good thing. I mean, it's like saying, "Hey, we play with fire at our house! C'mon over and show us how to stay safe!" I happened to do that just last night when he was here and came into the kitchen to find a flaming red burner in one corner of the stove with a cold pot of water sitting in another corner of the stove. Duh. That was really dumb. Good thing we had the fire safety guy over. It also didn't help that I had several candles burning around the house while he was here. I think I was really helping him prove his point for the need for high quality heat and smoke detectors.

Hopefully you'll never be as clever as I was. I'm sure Mr. Fire Safety felt his visit to our home was well worth his effort last night. (Now those people know what live flames can do to their home.)

It's a despairing thing to have to have such intelligent conversations like this at your house:

Mom: What are you doing up there? (son is precariously leaning over the deck rail with a tool in hand.)
Mom: Oh.... (mom dashes to said son upon seeing that said "tool" is actually a kitchen gadget.)
Mom: We don't cut the deck with a cheese slicer.
Mom: The cheese slicer is not for cutting the deck.
Mom: No, it can't take the deck off the house.
Mom: We just don't use the cheese slicer for cutting the deck.
Mom: Don't ever try it again.

Hopefully when this happens at your house, you will save your cheese slicer in time like I did today.

Other things you'll hopefully never have to say in one day:

Don't throw your food across the room.
You only need to cry like that if someone is chopping your foot off.
That smoke alarm is your friend.
Don't spit on the baby.
If you pull her hair, I'll pull your hair.
And no, I won't spit on you.
You both stop spitting.
If you spit again, I'll put tape on your mouth.

And hopefully by the end of the day, you'll have not completely lost your sanity. Because what the kids didn't try today, they'll be sure to try tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next time you turn your back.


Anne said...

That was a great post to read:o). Thanks for the laughs!

Anonymous said...

Finally a blog about REAL life!! how refreshing. My kids are now 20 and 17, but I remember times like these. Also I read where your courtship lasted 3 months and your husband first said he loved you when he proposed, it was also the same for me. We laugh alot about it now. It didnt take long to get married because we knew it was right. That was 21 years ago, aND ITS BETTER EVERY PASSING YEAR.

Michelle said...

You sound like one of the few people who actually seem to have a hard time like myself. I feel like everyone else says they have a hard time, but then they don't seem to struggle nearly as much as I have struggled. (Or get as frustrated as I get...or have to say such insane things all day as I do!) I'm sorry you have to go through torture, but thank you for sharing and comforting my soul.