Monday, March 30, 2009

Highlights Things I Learned While Being Sick

:: If your regular body temp is barely above 97F, and you happen to find out that you have a body temperature of 99.6F, you are definitely sick.

:: When you suddenly feel achy all over for no obvious reason, you have either come down with the flu or you have the first symptoms of an incurable terminal illness.

:: Ibuprofen is God's gift to mankind: use it wisely and take it rarely.

:: Just because you feel better after taking ibuprofen, don't fool yourself into thinking that you are indeed better. It's a hoax.

:: Pesto sauce is good to eat when you're sick. It can't look any worse coming up as it does going down.

:: End-of-day frappiccinos are a good way to lift every one's spirit. And use up milk that will otherwise go bad tomorrow.

:: If your head hurts, your eye sockets are charged with pain, your eye balls shoot shards of agony down to your toes, the backs of your legs have that post-marathon-ache to them and you'd just rather sleep all day, don't worry: you have the flu.

:: Blogging in bed is not for the weak. Trust me on this, I know.

:: Just because no body believe you're sick, doesn't mean you're not sick.

:: The longer you keep the old fashioned mercury thermometer in your mouth, the higher the mercury rises. Weird.

:: If you're sick of being sick, don't use the mind-over-matter method on yourself. It doesn't work. You will end up sicker.

:: If your symptoms disappear for a few days and you think your better, watch out.

:: A dull, throbbing back ache, 99.6F fever and a post-marathon ache in your legs are three prime symptoms of sickness. Especially if you haven't run a marathon any time recently. Just be glad your eye sockets are better.

:: Vacillating between being cold and hot is a good practice system for young women. I bet it helps prepare you for menopause.

:: Never underestimate the power of a shower. Take one every hour to keep from being sour.

:: Short term memory loss is synonymous with a fever and it's not, um, I can't remember the point I was going to make... never mind. I can't even remember what synonymous means for sure right now. I must've learned that word pretty recently.

:: If you make your bed while harboring a fever, you will automatically lose favors in your day. People just assume you must not be THAT sick if you can make your bed.

:: 24 hour flu bugs are definitely better than 168 hour flu bugs.

:: Don't think hard; use calculators as much as possible. Especially for big numbers... like how many hours are in a week.

:: If you make mental notes in your head like how you're going to get from point A to point B and you notice that point A and point B are only a few feet apart, you probably have the flu. Or a dreaded incurable illness.

:: If you think you have spinal meningitis and can barely squint at the computer screen you just staggered to in order to read the list of symptoms, save yourself the hassle: without an incredibly high fever and frequent bouts of nausea, you are fine. Well, you're fine in the sense that you don't have spinal meningitis. Welcome to the flu.

:: If you never get sick, don't say that.

:: I had a little birdy, her name was Enza. I opened the window and Influenza!

:: Don't hang around sick people.

:: When everything hurts, don't forget to breath.

:: Always wash your hands after using the bathroom, wiping your nose, scratching your back, putting on your socks, touching a door knob, licking your fingers, scratching your ear, fixing your hair, sorting dirty laundry, sweeping the floor, brushing your teeth, buttoning your shirt and making your bed. You never know how the flu is going to spread.

:: Finally, at all costs, avoid the flu.


Jean said...

When the flu is gone and you are still making mental notes about getting from point A to B and they are only a few feet apart you probably have gout in one or both feet.

Kate said...

I will not tell you that I have so far avoided the flu this season (as per your list). But I will say that your experience must be avoided at all costs! Hope you're feeling better!

Kate said...

Grins! Sounds very familiar! I have people coming in at work all the time listing the same things... no fun at all! The creeping crud is everywhere! Half of our staff succumbed to some sort of sickness in the past month! You can only resist it for so long when you have sickly people coughing and sniffling all over the place!

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon and that nobody else gets it!

Get lots of rest and down that fluid! :)

Lois Martin said...

Oh,I sure hope you keep it in NE!!! I sure don't feel like fighting that stuff right now! But I sure do hope you feel better soon!!!! Being a Mom and that...I don't even want to imagine!!

Ranelle Del Belle said...

:) I loved this one...

"I had a little birdy, her name was Enza. I opened the window and Influenza!"


I sure hope you're better by now!!! (and I hope it never comes back... that sounds like you really had something miserable... 168 hours - wow!)