Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Don't Eat Those Bugs and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Don't eat cookies that you find on the floor.
How did the baby get in our bed? (said in the early darkness of the morning.)
No, eagles are not people.
Yes, eagles can walk. Sort of.
No, eagles don't say, "I will attack you."
Eagles are birds.
Eagles can fly.
Eagles can't talk.
Why are you asking me about eagles?
Who's wet diaper is under the bed?
Go wash your hands but don't use any soap. (long story... don't ask.)
Why would you want to pee on your toys anyway?
NEVER pour gas all over the garage floor again.
No, you can't drive. (said to a three year old.)
Are you putting those chips in your pocket?
Who cut your hair?
We don't shoot Janae.
Don't put your fingers in the baby's mouth.
Eat your candy.
Where is Mommy's credit card Landon?
No, you can't have a vitamin yet.
Where is Mommy's wallet?
Who put Daddy's shoe in the toy box?
No, we can't live at Grandpa's house.
Landon, how did you get this $20 bill?
Don't eat those bugs.
We don't pee back there.
We only pee in the toilet.
Stop licking the window.
If you slam that door again, I WILL take it off the hinges.
Why would you step on your sister's head?
Would you like it if people walked on your head?
Don't stand in the dog's water.
I'll give you something to cry about.
Remember, you're not the mom. (said to a three year old having an apparent identity crisis/bossy attitude.)
Don't walk on the baby.
Don't be mean to your sister; she will bite you.
If you don't want to get bit, then don't be mean.
Boy's can't nurse.
Curious George doesn't nurse either.
Only mommies nurse.
Don't. eat. the. dogs. food.
Don't bite the baby.
Don't step on the snakes.
That bee will sting you; don't touch it.
Never climb on the oven door.
Don't hang from the freezer handle.
Don't climb the fridge.
Do you want some coffee? (said to a two year old.)
A headache is in your head.
That is not your jaw; that is your chest.
Don't throw your bike.
It's not getting dark yet; it doesn't get dark until night time.
That squirrel won't get you.
We can't go to Mississippi today; it's too far away.
Stop asking me if we can go to Mississippi.
The lightning won't get you.
No, the dog is not your daughter, Landon.
And Grandma is not your husband.
Yes, Mommy and Daddy got married.
Why are you bringing that axe to the grocery store?
No, we can't do school right now.
Don't put your foot on the baby's head.
Where is your shirt? (said to a half naked child that just came in from the frigid outdoors.)
I don't care if you're hot, put your coat back on.
If you want Grandma to get your card, we have to give it to the mail man.
Watch out for that wall.
Don't put tic-tacs in your nose.

7 comments:

Anne said...

Those are too funny! Thanks for sharing them:o).

Pat VE said...

These kind of questions test you as to whether you really did learn anything in school. Do you need some adult conversation?

Jean said...

If all those warnings about not stepping on the baby's head are going towards one sibling that seems dangerous for the baby. May be the baby better have a more secure "play area".

Your blogs are so stimulating to read and make me want to comment.

Melissa said...

HA HA HA HA HA! I laughed out loud and my 1-year-old looked at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am...or at least, maybe I will be in a couple of years when I find things like this coming out of my mouth.

I am E-mailing this post to my husband so he knows what we have to look forward to. ;-)

britt said...

That one boy of your is definitely his aunt Tabby's nephew. "That is not your jaw; that is your chest." as you know, we had some identity issues in that area for her recently :).

Richard & Katherine said...

Thank you Courtney! Richard and I have just enjoyed a much needed hearty laugh as we play the waiting game in the hospital. I'm going to keep a copy of your list handy for future reference!

Dennis & Valerie said...

This had me roaring. I've heard quite a few of these coming out of my own mouth lately!

In our house it was the slight variation, "No, your forehead is not your wrist."