Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Sleeping Baby Dance

Do not expect this to work everytime. Your baby has to be just enough awake and just enough tired to comply with this formula. And even then this isn't a guarantee.

A side note before you continue --> The fact that your baby’s need fluctuate so much during the period of the dance, is in no way a reflection of your desperation. Your baby just wants variety. If you ate the same thing 6-8 times a day, you’d want some kind of change circulating somewhere in your life style. That’s how your baby feels. So that’s why he goes from being starving to neglected (and so forth and so on) in such a short time.


Here is my tried and true formula:

First, you feed the starving infant.
Then you diaper the neglected infant.
Then you try to feed the famished infant yet again.
Then you burp the painful infant.
Then you lay upon your chest the attention deprived infant.
Then you position upright the non-finicky infant.
Then you plop in the swing the swing longing infant.
Then you wrap in a snug blanket the cold infant.
Then you place a pacifier in the mouth of the suck induced infant.
Then you again change the diaper on the well fed infant.

Then you lose the pacifier and break the heart of your demanding infant.
Then you try another blanket on your needy infant.
Then you walk the restless infant.
Then you rock the unrestful infant.
Then you bounce the unrestfuller infant.
Then you walk, rock and bounce the unrestfullest infant.

And about the time you think you might need to look up on the internet again how to put infant to sleep, he suddenly, with no warning at all, leaves the land of the wakeful and heads right straight to dream land. Just like that, he’s gone.

He goes so fast you are concerned of his oxygen levels. So, you quickly shove a finger by his nose to check for adequate air. You count breath movements. You monitor his heart beats. You examine skin color and evaluate body temperature. And just to be sure, you gently shake him to check for reflexes.

You are pleased with your results and enjoy the wonderful fact that your child is actually sleeping! The only thing left is for you to head to bed yourself. Or so you think.

Unbeknown to you, the infant is playing possum. If you don’t believe me, put him in his bed and watch what happens. Then you repeat steps 1 through 17 above.

Enjoy your night!

5 comments:

Pat VE said...

Dear Courtney,
You described our firstborn perfectly. I never knew if he had enough to eat or too much. He was a month early, but didn't waste anytime telling the world he was here. One Monday in his first 6 weeks, he slept only 4 hours of 24. Whew--it makes me tired thinking about it. Week 6, I took him into the Army Dr. for his first check up. The Dr. was SITTING while I was STANDING and holding a screaming baby. He had the audacity to say "What is wrong with your baby?" I said, "that is what I came for." He said, "I have never seen a baby so jaundiced in all my life." Yes, I could see that he was as orange as a pumpkin and the "whites" of his eyes were pea green. His bilirubin count was 22.5 and beside having to abandon breast feeding cold turkey, he would have to come back and get his blood tested everyday to determine whether a blood transfusion would be necessary. It wasn't necessary. BUT--when he went on formula, he became a much happier baby. I don't think that is your problem, but I can sure identify with the DANCE routine. We lived in an apartment building, and at 2:30am one morning, the neighbor knocked softly on the livingroom door. We had a viewer and I could see who it was. I invited her in. She was a black grandma. She said "Do you need some help?" (She had heard him screaming. John was sound asleep) She suggested catnip tea. Although I didn't have any, she sat and rocked our little guy until he went to sleep. That was 1972. The military hospitals and care were 1940-50 vintage. Pat VE
P.S. The screaming baby is now a fine young man. Middle aged?

Coeur d'Court said...

Wow, I didn't know David gave you such a hard start at motherhood! You wouldn't be able to tell that now.

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you finally figured out what was "wrong" with your baby. That is such a relief to know what to do to help a screaming baby.

Thanks for the detailed comment Pat.

Jean said...

I have a picture that more or less proves pat ve's story minus the sound effects. I just don't have the technical equipment or know how to post it on this comment.

So, Courtney, be watchful of who takes your or your baby's photos durning these non restful periods you never know what might pop up in years to come.

Hoping nights will be quieter soon.

A. Jean

Heather said...

I can totally relate to this post, after my husband and I enjoyed many similar nights with our secon-born child, our 11-month-old son Noah! Thanks for sharing! :) Blessings ~ Heather

Hannah Michelle said...

Wow...just another thing I never thought of about being a mom. Court, you have my admiration! :-)