Dumber Than I Look

I haven't been posting lately mainly because the internet was down on my computer. I think it was only down one day altogether but as you can imagine, for one like me who is on a steady diet of the web, it took me a bit to get caught up with all my sites, news and research once I was off my fast.


Plus, I've been greatly lacking in details to post about. Not much new and exciting has happened lately; except of course f or my internet being down.

Toby knew what was wrong when it first wouldn't connect to my computer. He told me to take care of fixing it since it was real easy. I don't mind doing Toby's work but I always know what happens: I start it and he finishes it. It makes me wonder what the use was in me even being involved in the first place.

Toby's computer was still connected and had quite a healthy connection considering my computer's connection was more than lousy. So, he knew for sure what was wrong and what I was supposed to do about it.


He said it was simple: anybody could do it and that I wasn't too dumb to be able to figure it out. How promising. I think that meant that I was dumb but not too dumb.

He gave me my instructions. I was supposed to call our local telephone provider and get a number from them to call the router company (Linksys) that was supposed to have some code that started with 251-something and type that into the address bar and click go and then re-set something and then voila, I'd be good to go. I was in the dark and totally lost but thought for sure I could at least get the numbers.

I picked up the local phone book and started looking for Alltel (our phone provider.) After scanning all the "A's," I could find no "Alltel DSL Service 800 Number." I told Toby it wasn't in there. He sighed and said it was and then grabbed my book and started looking. (Toby's the guy who can't find his own shoes in the morning before work if I happen to put them away the night before in the closet. I can now understand why it took him 28 years to find a wife.) Sure enough, it wasn't in there.

He grabbed another phone book and started looking and found the phone number for me. So much for me even starting the job -- he was making the first moves and not only that, he actually found something.

He gives me the number "800..." Okay, got it and I reached for the phone.

"Did I say 800?"

Yes.

"Make that 888; not 800..."

I transpose the zeros into eights and dial the number. Finally, I was doing my job. Really, it was still his job but at least I was doing something about the job he was making me do that was really his.

Thinking I'd have to wait forever on hold at Alltel as you usually have to, I was surprised to hear Harold's friendly voice pick up and ask me what he could do for me.

Instead of simply asking for the 800 number that I was supposed to ask for, in my surprise that I actually didn't have to wait 15 minutes before talking to a real live person, I delved into a long tale about all my computer woes, why I was calling, and what I was calling for; assuring him that that magic phone number to Linksys would solve my problem. "Certainly," and he gave me the number.

Toby was probably breathing a sigh of relief when I finally just asked for that number.


I call Linksys. I couldn't decide what number I was supposed to push when they gave me the options of what I needed help with so I was automatically sent to some guy in India. It said the phone call may be recorded for quality and whatever else they needed. I think what they really like is listening to smart computer wizzes like me and then posting them on the internet under "Customer Service Funniest Recorded Phone Calls."

Cramming the phone all the way into my ear, I strained to understand his English. He must've been used to customers like me and began to fully enunciate each letter and word.

When I gave him my email upon prompt, he repeated it back with, "d as in delta... i as in India, b as in Bangladesh, i as in ignorance..." or something like that. The words he'd use to define the letters he was questioning me on were hilarious. I corrected him on the "d" and said it was "t" as in tom. And he said, "yessss, tee ahz eeen telta."

Then he started making me do all these things that Toby had never told me about and I was going to parts of my computer that were deep and dark and quite intimidating. Immediately, Toby recognized the rabbit trail my Indian friend was bringing me down and started shaking his head and loudly whispering negative responses.

I'd wave at him and shake my head, hold my finger to my lips so as to emphasis the importance of staying quiet and then making the impact of the need for quietness, I'd ask the patient Indian guy to repeat what he just said.

Soon Toby was half way between his computer and mine. He was looking over my shoulder and was making stronger and louder commands and pointing and sighing and heaving and shaking his head.

I kept hearing, "NOOOOO, you DON'T have to do that... they always make you do that but it doesn't work..." I was beginning to feel like my efforts were fruitless.

My kind Indian friend repeated the same thing three times for me and then when I typed something in and it wasn't responding right away he said, "Jist wait a moment end an arrer missage wil come upp." I thought to myself that even he was losing hope in me.

I kept asking him for that 251-something number and he kept saying that we had to wait until we had all this done before we could get to that part. Between his instructions, I started typing in every connotation of 251- something that I could conjure up but that wasn't helping either. The service tech had lost me a long time ago so I figured my chances of helping myself were as great as his chances of helping me were.

By now Toby was sitting right next to me and Janae was wailing on the floor next to us.

When he finally told me to unplug my router from the power source for ten seconds, Toby had had enough. He was getting louder with his "no, you don't have to do that" that I knew I was going to either have to politely hang up on the guy or else kindly sit on my husband's head. Or, I could just throw out the whole computer and be done with it.
"Thanks Sir, I fixed the problem... Have a good day! Bye...." Click.

I instead compromised and interrupted the fourth direction in a row that my Indian had given me and asked him if my husband could just talk to him. I handed the phone to Toby, stood up and walked away. Toby took my place on the chair and proceeded to fix my computer.

When he hung up the phone about five minutes later, the only thanks I got was, "You are dumber than you look."



I retorted with something like that I didn't understand why he had me do stuff like this since he was always the one to take over in the end. I quoted back to him a saying I've heard more then once from his sweet lips when he was helping me do my work and I'd stand over his shoulder and give him unsolicited instructions over and over:

either you do this or I'll do this; there's no reason we both have to be doing this.

He just rolled his eyes and (I think) inwardly admitted that I was right. I saw him smile as he went back to his computer and I went back to mine.

The next day I told him we needed to order a battery for our camera. Guess who did it in the end? I actually did but not without the help of someone else. I'm thinking I should frame Toby's famous phrase and hang it here in the office.