Everyone knows you're crazy when you have 3 kids in tow and the oldest is only 3. But, you know you're crazy when you march into a Target store in the middle of a state you're traveling through in order to set your van free from screaming kids so your husband can participate in a 2 hour business conference call. And, you take all three of those screaming kids into the Target store.
Actually, none of the kids were screaming at the time but they all had that potential. This was one time in their lives when I was hoping that they wouldn't live up to their full potential. The possibility was very high considering it was a humid 95 degrees, naps were messed up and we were hundreds of miles from home. Not to mention that I have NEVER taken all three of my kids shopping alone. EVER.
I had one full cart but when I saw the shopping baskets stacked just past the carts, I was tempted. The sign promised this: " To Make Your Shopping Experience Easy." I knew I needed all those baskets. I almost grabbed the whole stack but thought better of it when I realized the front of my cart was loaded with 2 kids and the back of the cart had a car seat filling it up along with an actual screaming baby.
Then I wondered if I was supposed to select 3 baskets, put one kid in each basket and shop my way around the store. I finally realized that those baskets were not meant for me. Besides, the only thing I ever see those baskets used for is when people don't think they need a cart so they grab a basket instead and then load the basket up only to have to go back to the cart station and get a cart where they should've gotten one in the first place. And I didn't have time for that.
As I mosied around the store as inconspicuous as possible with a barking kid (he was pretending to be a dog), a quiet kid and a screaming kid, I could only wonder how life could ever be better.
I wondered that the whole way home as I took video clips on my cell phone of 2 screaming kids and a little boy singing "Trust and Obey" while his siblings wailed and screamed their way down I35 in our van. And I really began to wonder how life could ever be better when we finally got home and realized that the trip had taken twice as long as it should've.
It wasn't until the next day when reality hit hard and the floor made a fast impact with the end of my spine and left me sprawled out on the floor with a screaming baby and a wailing toddler. Believe me, I was shocked to find myself suddenly laying there with shooting pain, unable to get up or find my footing.
Sharp pain makes you realize that being a spectacle in Target with 3 loud kids is an addition to put on your list of blessings.
My only advice to everyone who has a toddler, knows a toddler or lives with a toddler: watch out for dripping wash cloths; they may cost you weeks of nursing a broken tailbone. And a broken tailbone is no fun because you have nothing to show for it. A broken leg would actually be better because 1) the doctor could actually fix your problem, 2) you could get sympathetic notes and autographs on your cast, 3) a cast would make it obvious to everyone that you actually have a bad injury and 4) you could still lay or sit even though you couldn't walk.
So, next to getting hypothermia on my bottom from all the cold packs, I'm not doing much else to speed the healing. For an injury that gives no evidence of it's vengeance to an onlooker, let me assure you that for a creature created without a tail, I'm really really wishing the bone would've gone with the tail. I mean really, what is a tailbone good for anyway? I hardly knew I had one until I found it on the floor today. And that wasn't a good way to find it either.
Now I need a sign that says: "To Make Your Day Easy" because I have no clue how I'll get through the days ahead with 3 kids brimming with so much potential. For one though, I'll take a good look at the bathroom floor before I walk in and hopefully, me and my tailbone will get on good terms again. And soon.