Whenever I shop at one of my favorite maternity stores called, "Motherhood," I'm greeted by a smiling clerk with a friendly, "Welcome to Motherhood" when I first walk in. I smile to myself and think that if only all woman were greeted with such a greeting when the first double lines appeared on that pregnancy test, all us moms would perhaps be better prepared for this overwhelming yet blessed quest called motherhood. How life changing that positive pregnancy test is.
Especially when you see those double lines twice. Not just once but twice, as I have in the last 3 years.
I sat down at my desk today for a relaxing break with 3 cookies, popcorn and coffee. Not a real big get-a-way kind of a break, just a relaxing one. Nothing fancy. Just a relaxing break. Is that too much to ask?
Meanwhile, I have a little boy doing The Diaper Shape Trot all around the 3'x3' space next to my desk while pathetically panting the "diaper shape" chant. If he would just let nature have it's way, he would be much more comfortable.
So would I. I'm still trying to relax, remember? I think it is definitely too much to ask though.
A trickle of nose secretions is making it's way down the section of skin between the nose and upper lip of my little boy and leading into his little cherub mouth so I send him to fetch a kleenex.
Upon rethinking my command, I change the plan and dash to the bathroom myself and get a wad of toilet paper. A much faster plan and a guarantee that I will indeed get the nose wiped before a tongue does the job or, better yet, my shirt sleeve when he trots past me while panting his chant.
As I came back to office (after only being "gone" for half a second), Janae is merrily teetering out of the room with my bowl of popcorn and cookies precariously tipped at a 45 degree angle. At least she left the coffee alone. I only tried to grab it as fast as I could when she let out a deafening roar and swung the bowl to the west. (In Nebraska, all directions are North, South, East and West; NEVER left or right).
Popcorn and cookies pepper the floor on the east end of the office, much to both Landon and Janae's delight.
After cleaning up the popcorn, The Diaper Shape Trot resumes and I decide that the playroom is a much more conducive and practical place for such activities. As the kids and toys mingle behind the child proof gate, I once again attempt to retrieve my relaxing blog break.
The Diaper Shape Trot and Chant can be heard throughout the house and definitely all the way to my relaxing office but I condition myself to remember that patience is having her perfect work in me as I pity the little boy who thinks life is so hard when it's time to do "the job."
I glance out the window just then and see the mother of 12 that lives down the road walk by. Alone. Unhindered. Relaxing. And pregnant. What a marvel. Here I sit with 2 children, eating popcorn with hair in it and sipping lukewarm coffee, disappointed yet somewhat relieved that my most recent pregnancy test came back negative. And there she goes so collected and calm. The mother of 12. And pregnant.
She doesn't look like what you think a mother-with-child of 12 would look like. She actually looks quite the opposite. Serene and calm and relaxed. I marvel that a mother with that many children actually gets to be alone for a whole street of city blocks and I'm fortunate to get 30 seconds alone in the bathroom.
I notice she's on a cell phone. Ah! Kids! You never can get away from them. Especially with modern day conveniences. All the way from baby monitors to cell phones. Of course, I have no idea if she was talking to her children but it dawned on me she just maybe could've been.
The Diaper Shape Chant has turned into a wail but still no reprieve. I wonder again why I was disappointed when my pregnancy test came back negative.
Why do women want children so bad?
What is so thrilling about being uncomfortable and fat for 9 months?
Why do we forget about stretchmarks? Leg cramps? Vericose veins? Sciatica? Morning sickness?
What makes childbirth so exciting? Contractions? Pushing?
Why do we never remember the sleepless nights? The fussy babies? The painful breastfeeding? The exhausting mornings? The diaper shapes?
And we turn around and do it again. And again. And again.
"The barren womb is never satisfied," comes to mind when I try to rationalize why or how I could want another baby already. As I endure the wails of my darling son who is stubbornly resisting "the urge" the negative line on my test flashes in my mind and I sigh heavily.
So much for the relaxing break I was looking for. My break came in a different way today. A glance out the window gave me a look at a mom taking a walk. It reminded me of the peace that can be found on the path I'm on. The path of motherhood.
But will today's Diaper Shape Trot ever end? Why do I wonder... welcome to Motherhood.