Pregnancy Poem

Here I sit alone,
Unheard as I grumble and groan
Retching desires inside my belly
Jiggling like liquidated jelly

The only companion near
Is a little thing so precious and dear
Only a pencil’s lead width wide
Safely in my bosom to hide

Oh dear, how can it truly be
This little thing so tender to me
Can’t even move or try to kick
Yet makes me feel so gross and sick

They say “this too will pass”
But time sure isn’t going fast
Each day anew confirms my fears:
Another day of morning sick years

I want to eat but it can’t be so
For food to me is a sickening foe
The smell of things within my nose
Torments me even when I doze

My fate shall not end in bliss
For even my hubby’s sweetest kiss
Nauseates my starving soul
Makes me dash to the porcelain bowl

I cannot smell or eat or drink
Or wash dishes in the sink
My little kids and darling man
Are tolerating me as best they can

Alas, all this woe will end
And soon my road will take a bend
To sunnier skies and banquets galore
Eating at last will be no chore!

But until my fate ends one day
I must remember to keep at bay
The feelings of pity that keep me low
And make my life seem full of woe

For really the truth must be told:
This sickness insures a definite hold
Of my little one to the vast warm womb
And shields against miscarriage doom

So, I must, I will, I have to get glad!
This sickening belly should not be sad
For soon the end will come with labor pains
And these early days will feel like summer rains!

cjn 8-15-04 7wks. pregnant

This was composed during my 7th week of pregnancy with Janae. I originally posted this on 11-03-06 during my 7th week of pregnancy with Alex. And to keep with that tradition, I'm posting it again during my 7th week of pregnancy with Baby #4. And not just for tradition's sake either. :)

Life Begins At Conception, or does it?

Ethical and moral issues are discussions most of us prefer to avoid. Morality and ethics have turned into "an-every-man-for-himself" kind of thing so it gives us greater reason to not step on toes when we promote or discourage certain issues. Especially when we have a faceless audience like blog readers. It is so much easier and more comfortable to keep silent.

But, I am using the vantage point I have here and breaking the status-quo of "every-man-for-himself" and taking it upon myself to speak the truth. I am really not concerned as to whether everyone that reads this will agree with me. Why? Because I believe that there is a tragedy happening day after day and I am doing nothing about it. Sometimes well meaning people just don't know the truth on matters that tend to be kept silent and I don't want to be guilty of keeping silent while knowing the truth about contraceptives and conception.

It may be shocking but there is a huge moral issue in many ultra-conservative people, the general public and lots of people in-be-tween. I'm not talking about people leaving their spouse to go sleep with another or about husbands having multiple wives. I am talking about moms destroying the life of their unborn. Whether it's at 9 days old or 9 months old, it doesn't matter. It's still a life. It's still a baby. And whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn't matter either.

Through research and discussions with medical doctors, I have learned the truth on something that is widely practiced but yet highly misunderstood.

First of all, the word "contraception" means that conception ALONE is stopped -- the egg is never fertilized. Stopping conception before it starts does not kill life. Hormonal Contraception (which it shouldn't be called anyway since it doesn't primarily impeded conception so therefore should not be called a contraceptive) has the ability and hormones of stopping the implantation of a fertilized egg(s) after it has been, unfortunately, conceived.

The bottom line is that life begins at conception and only God is the Giver and Taker of life. It doesn't matter if your doctor says a birth control is "safe" in supporting life or that a pill won't kill your baby; what your doctor doesn't tell you (unless you ask like I did) is this:

There are two basic kinds of hormonal birth control pills: (1) the combination pill which is made up of two synthetic hormones (estrogen and progestin) and (2) the progestin-only pill (sometimes called the minipill). The synthetic estrogen in the combination pill works to prevent the ovaries from releasing an egg. If no egg is released, there is nothing to be fertilized by sperm and the woman cannot get pregnant. In addition, the synthetic estrogen works by suppressing the body's normal hormonal pattern (which involves one egg being developed per menstrual cycle and released for possible fertilization).

The synthetic progestin (present in both types of pills) works to:

thicken the cervical mucus, which hinders the movement of sperm,

inhibit the egg's ability to travel through the fallopian tubes,

partially suppress the sperm's ability to unite with (and thereby fertilize) the egg, and

alter the uterine lining so (in the event that an egg is released and fertilized) the egg will likely not be able to implant into the uterine wall. (A fertilized egg would then be discharged with the rest of the menstrual blood.)

(found at GoAskAlice.com)

Not wanting to believe what "Alice" is informing in the above piece of research, I separately googled several different popular contraceptives commonly used and approved by the safety standards of the FDA and AMA and found her advice to be true for:

The Pill

The Mini Pill

The Nuva Ring

The Mirena IUD

The Patch

As you will find from the links above, the primary functions of all those methods is to prevent sperm from penetrating the cervix and to also disable ovulation. Now, these two functions are not moral and ethical issues -- human life is not being destroyed when contraception is used ONLY to impede conception. We all can hope that's all that is happening in each prevented pregnancy but the chance of that is highly unlikely and quite risky if you're banking a human life on it.

The fact that the lining of the mother's uterus is being changed to not accept a conceived egg is the function of these methods that makes hormone birth controls a non-option for a pro-life person. Why? Because life begins at conception.

To make the safest, warmest and most life sustaining place on earth for a new brand new life a habitation of destruction and rejection, is a tragedy. And worse yet, this tragedy is sitting in many Christian homes and churches today.

I have heard it said so many times by many well meaning people..."This new birth control method (insert name here) I'm using doesn't kill the baby; I asked my doctor and he said no!"

Of course your doctor is going to say no. A woman is unable to CARRY that pregnancy because the birth control her doctor gave her made it physically impossible to KEEP that baby that only had the chance to grow for short time. The baby is gone before the mother or the doctor even knew there was a conceived baby.

I found out myself when I asked my doctor and her doctoring partners. They all informed me in separate consultations that each birth control:

• Kills sperm
• Can effect the cycle, inhibiting ovulation
• Is backed up by making the uterus lining thin therefore insusceptible to a fertilized egg
  

"So if life begins at conception and I believe that it does, than using a birth control that is not supporting a fertilized egg, is wrong?" I asked a doctor.

The doctor nodded her head and said, "Right... if you believe that then you'd have to accept that this is destroying a life."

------------------------------------------------------------------------
For a very informative read, go here and find an in depth look at Contraception And The Christian and the captivating dialogue that takes place when conception occurs and how quickly it is destroyed when hormonal contraceptives are used.

"...If the fertilized egg is not allowed to implant in the uterus, it is being killed. The only difference between this and a later abortion is the size and stage of development of the tiny human offspring."

The writer also includes other information about birth control that does not kill a fertilized egg.

More Pro-Life information given by doctors can be found here. And here.

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Disclaimer: I do not support or endorse other information that may be included on ALL the links above. Please do not abuse the links I listed to support a stand I am not endorsing through this post.

On Brains And Babies

I told Toby this morning that until now, our baby didn't have a brain.

"I know how much it means to you that our baby gets a good brain so I thought you'd like to know that it's getting one right now," I informed him.

"I wonder what it's thinking?" Was his teasing response. "Man, it feels warm in here."

Only Toby.

I Can't Help I'm Norwegian

There is nothing worse than getting hit by a pregnancy craving that falls severely in an "Ethnic Food" category. Especially when it's Scandinavian ethnic food. Even more tragic is the fact that most of the ethnic foods near us are Mexican, Chinese, Italian and Mexican, Chinese, Mexican, Italian and Chinese.

And as hard as I try, I am not appetized by egg rolls or spanish rice. Or even pizza.

The other day, I was dreaming heavenly visions of Lefse (I better hyperlink that word for those of you who aren't blessed with a Scandinavian heritage as I am.)

I recollected over past holiday seasons when I'd go holiday shopping and would search in the dairy departments of the local supermarkets for the necessary means to truly celebrate the season with: Lefse.

Imagine my dismay when I could find none that first year. I just assumed they hadn't gotten the shipment in.

A week later, I returned and scrounged around the store. Nothing.

Thanksgiving was coming so close, how could the lefse not be in yet? Their turkey bins were full and the yam cart was heaping, hams were on sale and cranberries decked the fruit aisle. But no lefse.

What is wrong with this store? I wondered.

I finally asked a store worker.

"Do you guys have your lefse in yet?"

"Excuse me," she said, putting down her box of packaged goods she was unpacking and stepped closer so she could find out if I was speaking English.

"Your lefse... is it in yet?" I innocently said.

"Ah.... what was that you said?" she politely asked again.

"Lef - SA." I repeated. The look on her face made me wonder if she thought I said a bad word.

"What is... Leee... that?" She asked.

She couldn't even say the word.

I explained that it was similar to a tortilla only made with potatoes.

"How do you spell it?" Was her curious response.

"L-E-F-S-E," I said.

By now I could clearly tell that this lady had no idea WHAT lefse was. I also knew there was none in the store. Hopelessly, I despaired that we would have to endure a lefse-less holiday.

"Hmmm, never heard of it before," she said, still curious at this mysterious food item that was supposedly sold in some grocery stores.

"Well, it is a Norwegian food so maybe that's the problem," I said.

She immediately assured me that this was a highly populated German town and hardly does one ever see a Norwegian.

I wanted to say that since she was looking at a Norwegian right then, that should warrant enough reason for her store to sell lefse.

Instead, I thanked her for her help and she thanked me for the education in lefse. I could tell it was something still rolling around in her head as she distractedly went back to stocking her shelves.

Later that holiday season, I enjoyed the tradition of eating lefse at my parents' home in Wisconsin. They may have lots of snow up there, but at least they have lefse . Unlike balmy Nebraska with tons of wind and no true holiday treats in the form of a potato flat bread.

A couple years later, I was again looking towards the holidays with joy. Of course by then, I had succumbed to the fact that lefse was truly a very special food and only made and sold in special places. And obviously, only special people seemed to enjoy eating it.

But, a turn of events unfolded and surprised me with lefse in my own Nebraskan home through the entire holiday season. Read the story here. I still smile when I think of how that happened.

Back to this holiday season.

Recently, I was despairing that there was nothing for this sick, pregnant mom to eat. Suddenly, I had a vision of lefse. Oh dear... here we go again. Another unquenched pregnancy craving.

I went online and surfed lefse sites. Lena's Lefse, Mrs. Olson's Lefse, Jakob's Lefse, lefse.com, etc. teasingly danced across my screen. How could it be that they were all located in the frigid north, nestled in Scandinavian sounding towns that were surely fragranced with burning wood stoves and tantalizing smoke houses wafting on the northern breeze? I could just hear the Norwegian accents as I read their sites about the lefse products they had to sell.

As I continued to despair, I searched aimlessly in the local phone book under "ethnic food" and "Scandinavian" and "Norwegian." Our largely populated town surely had to have at least one Scandinavian shop listed in it's larger-than-Websters-Dictionary-size phone book.

But there were no friendly titles that would've depicted the guarantee of a Norwegian greeting when you stepped through the ringing door....

"Hell-oah there-ah!"

"Do you have lefse?" I could ask.

"YAAAH sshhhuuurrre!! You-ah betch-ya!" Would come the automatic response.

I was so desperate for lefse by this time that I would've paid to even smell lefse.

That night I mentioned to Toby that I had another pregnancy craving.

He just rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, I know... Olive Garden?" As if there could be nothing more out of this world than Olive Garden's spendy menu.

"Nope," I assured him.

His eyebrows raised and he looked at me curiously.

"Lefse," I said watching as the infamous 5-letter word hit his ears and he remembered that his Norwegian wife is living in a strange place in a strange land with no lefse.

"Oh, well... there's nothing you can do about that," he answered re assuredly, as if by reminding me that since there was absolutely no lefse around here, I could immediately delete the pregnancy craving as one would delete a file on their computer.

"I know," I said, "I checked all over the phone book thinking there would be at least one Scandinavian shop or restaurant but there's nothing." I reminded him that we live in the land of the Mexican and Chinese so there were only Mexican and Chinese restaurants around....

"Accept for one Israeli restaurant," I said. "Jerusalem Cuisine."

"That's interesting," he replied over his book.

"But why Honey, would they have a restaurant like THAT but not a Scandinavian one?"

"Well, because there's no Scandinavians around here," was his wise answer.

Then I informed him that one place around here does have lefse: THE INTERNET.

"You can buy it online?" He asked me.

"Yes... And they ship it right to your door," I told him, as if the shipping right to your door feature was extraordinary.

"Well, then order some lefse," he said with a tone that made me think that he was wondering why I had made such an ado over something that could be easily fixed.

"I can but with shipping and a good sized order, it would be about..." and I mentally calculated the cost before coming up with a total.

Being the all wise and thinking man my husband is, he informed me that an order of lefse would cost less than a meal at Olive Garden. He assured me it was well worth it. (He's a pretty nice guy... even if he isn't Norwegian.)

So, I went online, found a site that offered free shipping and made the final sale of my prize purchase over half the price of what a meal at Olive Garden is.

In three days, I will have lefse at my door. Truly a miracle when you live in Nebraska.

The Clock Is Ticking

1st Official Craving

It was late at night. But I was starving and I knew exactly what I was craving.

I dreamily expressed my specific craving in detail to my dear husband. And he listened patiently.

"I want a Chicken Fajita like McDonald's used to make... tender chicken, green and red sliced peppers, sun dried tomatoes -- you know, to make it really fresh -- and it's all in a really good fajitas sauce." My voice trailed off until I realized that was everything. "That's all I want," I said.

His response was, "You're not being picky enough... how many grains of salt do you want on that?"