That Dysfuntional Kitchen

Sometimes I get this overwhelming urge to tear remove the cabinet doors off my cupboards. Other times I feel obnoxious adventurously diligent to scheme a way to take down the wall that slices our kitchen into tiny fragments of square footage. Other times I strive to be content by merely loading the dishwasher which results in a more open feeling since the 3' of counter space no longer is covered in dirty dishes.

These urges come when I sense myself being suffocated by the closed in feeling my kitchen boasts of. And pretty much anything would make it feel more open.

I've toyed with the idea of moving the fridge out. Seriously, count how many cultures you know of that don't have a fridge. They survive, right? Just think of the counter space I could create where the fridge sits now!

I've thought about using a hammer and hacking air holes into walls. But I knew my carpenter husband wouldn't like the unprofessional look that would give.

I've put off baking and doing any major cooking. The results usually produce tight quarters and insufficient food any way.I even accidentally removed the entire front glass from our stove. That gave me about two extra inches of knee space in the vicinity of the stove but it also eliminated the insulation feature on the front of the oven. I learned fast that burning your knee once is all you need to always take an 18" bypass of the stove every time you waltz through your kitchen.

I've dreamed of creating an outdoor kitchen. But that would cost more than removing that wall that makes my kitchen a tiny cracker box. And what would we do about the flies?

I've threatened to ban myself from the kitchen. You know, the whole "out of sight, out of mind" theory? That doesn't work when mealtime rolls around and everyone wants food from the kitchen.

I've resigned myself to experience my kitchen as a Shrine of Contentment. On the stove I daily sacrifice my unthankful spirit and offer up my 5'x8' kitchen as a piddly incense. I wear a smile to brighten up the dark corner of our house we call our kitchen in hopes of making up for the poor lighting. I've determined to forgive the manufacturer who created the homogeneous light that takes up half the ceiling but only gives off about 13watts of brightness. Seriously.

I inch around the kitchen like a sardine in it's tin can. Only using the bare minimum of space for the traffic I create from one side of the 5' wide room to the other side. I've realized I can basically rock from side to side in order to use the sink and stove at the same time. I've looked for ways to find convenience in my kitchen. But it ends up resulting in the same disappointment a convenience store gives - seriously, how convenient is it to spend $4 for a bag of popcorn you could get at the grocery store for 99 cents?

That's how my kitchen is. It's like a convenience-store-four-dollar-popcorn-bag disappointment.

I hear Scandinavian Open Shelving Kitchens are the in thing. Did you know that? I didn't but when I heard it, I knew it had to be true. I mentally calculated how I could bring Scandinavian hope to my Cave Man Kitchen. But the problem remained. That wall is just in the way.

See...


There's no place to put open shelves unless I remove the fridge and the stove. But what would a kitchen be without a fridge or stove? It would be a utility room. Or a wet pantry.

So, I sigh and remember the many cultures that don't even have a kitchen. And I wonder what they'd be able to do with a kitchen like mine. It dawns on me that really the only thing I lack in my kitchen, isn't space or counter top. Rather, it's a I-can-make-this-work attitude.

But man, how much better I can make this work if I didn't have that wall in the way...

Feelings

When you're on a trip and the miles are endless and you feel like perhaps the map is wrong and that you've indeed become trapped in a vicious circle and not getting anywhere, do you ever feel like you'll honestly never arrive at your destination?

Feeling that you'll never arrive and actually experiencing an endless road are two different things, thankfully. But, that feeling can over ride your ability to comprehend that nowhere on God's earth is there a road that has no end. Every trip has a destination.

When your computer is acting up and doing strange things in strange ways and you get really frustrated that the task you almost had completed in a certain program, had to become terminated because it committed an illegal operation, do you ever feel the sudden urge to throw your mouse into the screen?

Feeling that urge and acting on that urge are two different things. Feeling it doesn't cause the screen to crack and shatter but acting on it will. That feeling can result in a rather brash action but keeping that feeling in check, will keep your current computer problem from getting bigger. By staying calm, you can inoculate yourself to the actions of "the stupid computer" and actually impress yourself when in just 5 minutes, the whole system crashes and you remain unflustered and unfrustrated.

When your children are fussy and you've had a long day and you're tired and overwhelmed with yet another mess on the floor and suddenly, a little squabble breaks out and the littlest one gets another owie in the tussle, do you ever feel the sudden urge to open the door and start running?

Flight instinct is a very real and necessary thing for animals but for moms, it would be devastating. What could happen to your home and children in your absence? Thankfully, feeling that urge to run and acting on it are two very different things. Usually a deep breath and a whispered prayer can calm the situation enough that you quit staring longingly at the front door. At that point, you can look for the bright side (up coming nap time, hubby on his way home from work, etc.) and plunge even deeper into your home life and darling children.

When you're in childbirth and the intensity of labor has gone beyond your limit and you think in your head that this will never end, do you ever feel the sudden urge to just jump up and walk out of the room while telling the nurses and your concerned husband that you're done, this isn't working -- the baby will never come?

Most, if not all moms experience this feeling but I know of no one that successfully acted on it. Usually, that point in labor indicates to the health care providers that the end is indeed near.

There's something about our bodies and our feelings that when we tell ourselves we can take a hardship no longer, suddenly, the situation plunges even deeper and we find that what we thought was an unimaginable depth, becomes the very place where we find or experience the way out. We amaze ourselves at the hidden ability in our bodies to tolerate and endure difficulty.

No matter what road we may be on in life, this experience comes to everyone. Sometimes it's through a computer, other times its through people, and other times through physical pain. Recognizing it's challenging points, can better help us endure them long enough to realize that yes, we'll indeed survive.

Hitting rock bottom means one thing: time to jump off another cliff. But, focusing on our feelings can make us climb the rope back to the top of the problem and then we end up sitting there for unnecessary time, waiting for the situation to change. Embracing the difficulty, plunging into the the prospect of change and finding ways to overcome the problem instead of it overcoming us, are the very practices we should focus on when the feeling to run or turn around overwhelm us.

When you hit the point of no return, don't listen to your feelings; jump! And enjoy the ride down.