Where is the BRIGHT Side?

I am greatly irritated.

I don't easily get this irritated by something that is so completely out of my control. I actually never get irritated ever. I actually see the bright side of something even if it seems inevitably gloomy when I first look on. This time there is no bright side for me. This time I am irritated to the greatest dimension. And that is seriously irritated.

When I was a little girl Not long before I got married, I envisioned what my future home would look like. It would have tons of dimly lit lamps scattered through out the house and all bright-well-lit areas would demand a warm, homey glow while maintaining a healthy brightness. There was never going to be a green/blue hue to any room in my house. Except for maybe the garage since my husband would probably insist on it like most guys tend to do.

What I'm saying is I would never, ever, EVER have fluorescent light bulbs. Ever. I was a die-hard incandescent light-bulb fan. That was the only team I supported. Some people get excited about a funny shaped a prolate spheroid shaped ball that bounces obnoxiously if it lands on the ground but wins a player a lot of money if he can catch it, throw it and kick it right. Not me. I'm all about the light bulb.

My greatest hero The most impressive inventor was Thomas Edison. Do you know how many times it took him to make the light bulb? Think about for awhile Google that and then try to grapple with the hard facts of life that all that work was for nothing. Why? Because some freak guy named Ed Hammer took too many trips into the laboratory and designed a complete onslaught to the world of incandescent. Seriously, that guy should drop the capitalization of the first letter of his last name, and drop a hammer on his project. Better yet, he could just drop himself on the whole thing and we all could be glad that a Hammer destroyed the sterile-mercury-infested-greenish/blue-hued world that is soon to be ours.

Oh the memories of the incandescent bulb... all the boxes and cartons of thin globes of glass that lined store shelves with the internal design created for human comfort. The glow of warm houses glittering with the brightness of one of the world's greatest inventions. The simplicity of changing out a life-well-lived bulb and swirling into it's place the newness of a white bulb.

All that's over folks.

Because of the federal energy bill former President George Bush signed into office, all incadescent light bulbs will be banned for production by the year 2014. You will now feel as much at home in a doctor's office as you do in your own home: the cold lighting will be identical. If you ever find yourself in jail, don't worry; the ambiance won't be any different than your own bedroom. Stores, hospitals, gas stations, convenience stores, they'll have the same thing in common with your own home: a green/blue glow.

Get to know where your toxic waste facilities are. In the event your new-lasts-for-nine-years-environment-friendly-fluorescent-bulb SHOULD go bad, it doesn't go in the trash like normal light bulbs do. Nope. These things need special attention. Being tortured by the wicked devices during their life-time isn't enough; at the time of their death, they are allotted a special burial and you end up having to baby them even more.

When it comes time to changing the light bulb that has completely messed up your world, don't handle the spiral-handle-of-death like you would the good ole' light bulb. That baby glowing in your house is infected with strains of mercury that in the event it should explode, it is recommended that you should leave the room for at least 15 minutes. If you can't leave, I imagine holding your breath for that long would suffice.

Where you can actually learn more about what I'm talking about.

Seriously. They recommend using wet paper towels, rubber gloves, sticky tape and a sealed plastic bag to clean up the toxic waste explosion of mercury flavored shards of glass. Of course this is after you have left the room for 15 minutes, allowing the chance of mercury contamination to go way down.

My question is, who will be the responsible citizen and transport the failed F-Bulbs sealed in a plastic bag to a toxic waste facility? The general public is unaware of the requirements demanded in order to safely destroy the F-Bulbs. The next thing that will happen is innocent people will be duped into arrests since they are handling toxic waste without certification, without degrees in Fluorescentology and without permits to retire the burned out bulbs in a waste-land.

The above link should help the general public understand the implication of these evil new advances in technology. So we're saving our planet by 'going green' but how healthy can it be to leak mercury in our soil? How responsible is it to save the ozone layer (or whatever it is the environmentalists are trying to save through the F-Bulb) but infect our bodies with exposure to toxic chemicals? What about nature? Animals? Trees? The world we hope to pass on to our children?

I'm being totally irrational about this I'm trying to think like an environmentalists would in my attempts to understand the purpose, the sanity, the wisdom in inventing and implementing the fluorescent light bulb. I completely object and think that if some freak person decides to 'go green' with their lifestyle, fine. They have that right. And if they think the fluorescent light bulb enables them to 'go green' -- since one 100 watt F-Bulb only uses 23 watts of energy whereas one 100 watt I-Bulb uses all 100 watts of energy -- then all the more power to them.

That green/blue glow is a good picture of 'go green' since it shines for 9 years (according to the manufacturer) with a eery greenish hint. Have you ever observed somebody standing under a F-Bulb light? They're green. Their skin is green and even their hair will have hints of green. The walls have an inky green to them and the very air they breath seems to be tinted with green. Seriously, 'go green' is a good way to put it.

I, on the other hand, am in favor if the incandescent light bulb and forever it will hold a warm, glowing memory in my heart as I trod heavy-hearted onward into the years of soil contamination in our mercury laced environment. If I want to 'go green,' I'll plant a tree. Or paint a wall green. Or raise a garden. Or water the lawn.

The F-Bulb isn't for me. I'm holding a daily candle vigil for the passing of a good thing: the incandescent light bulb. May it forever rest in peace for the good deed it has served us all these years.

Down with Ed Hammer and all the politicians who insist on destroying my incandescent little world. Down with the F-Bulb.

Google Goes Amish

I came to my home page today (and for those of you that don't know, that would be google.com) and what should I find but the background of the screen was black (and for those of you that don't know, Google's normal color is white) but the words were all normal. Thinking it was my perpetually problematic computer, I chalked it up to Toshiba's ever failing computer system.

Until I read this...

"We've turned the lights out. Now it's your turn -- Earth Hour."

What is this? Some mad environmentalist that wants to do something about "saving the earth" so he invokes his new scheme on the rest of the world? I'm kinda thinking this guy is friends with the DST dude.

Okay, I can handle my google.com page being black, although a black computer screen is simply one of the most annoying experiences one can have when surfing the web. I. do. not. like. black. sites. They are cheesy and classless and hard to read and hurt your eyes. But, I can handle them. If your blog is black, please know I am not directing this statement at you -- it's a free country and I support your right to have a blog that is black.

So, like I said, I can handle google.com being black. (This is starting to sound like a racial post now but I'm not a racists, really, I'm not. I'm actually related to some black people.)

As I was saying, I read the Google Earth Hour site so that I would more fully understand the reason behind my annoying black screen. I read it more for kicks than anything else though. This had to be some bored, hilarious college kid that hacked into google's system and goofed up the template colors. Unfortunately, it was no joke. The Google Professionals (which would actually be graduated college kids) intentionally made their screen black (this was no hacker's work) but the reason they did it seemed even more senseless than a college kid's joke (pardon the slam on you college kids; I'm not slamming you, really, I'm not. I'm actually related to one of you)...

"On Saturday, March 29, 2008, Earth Hour invites people around the world to turn off their lights for one hour – from 8:00pm to 9:00pm in their local time zone. On this day, cities around the world, including Copenhagen, Chicago, Melbourne, Dubai, and Tel Aviv, will hold events to acknowledge their commitment to energy conservation."

What a great idea. Just think of the mass confusion this will cause around the world. At the same time. This is borderline Apocalypse if you ask me. Perhaps we are manually setting ourselves in the end time this very night.

--Scores of people will light open flames in their homes in order to see in the dark without using electricity. (I'm sure we'll hear a siren tonight.)

--Scads of families will leave their table top games and sit in the dark around the TV instead filling their minds with meaningless, mindless, memories.

--Moms will order carryout if they haven't made supper yet.

--Dads will resort to computers instead of reading books to their children.

--Millions will drive in the dark without headlights. (Resulting in more sirens.)

--Emergency rooms will be flooded with people suffering from STD (stubbed toe disease), Osteomyelitis, Subungual Hematoma, disorientation and overall confusion. Plus, the perilous certainty all the headlight-less vehicles will cause.

This does not sound like a good way to save the earth if you ask me.

So folks, shut your lights off just after the sun has set, grope helplessly in the dark through your blackened homes, and embrace this universal celebration called "Earth Hour."

Basically, go Amish on us. But, don't hurt yourself.

Update of Fate and Snake Hate

I have a blog
I have a dog
I neglect my blog
and feed my dog
aren't you excited
my priorities are righted?

I have kids
they play with lids
they play with pans
they play with cans
they play with pots
they play a lots

I have a house
without a mouse
I like to bake
without a snake
my house you see
it has some snakes
and that is bad
oh, that is sad

It is such a pain
to hear the rain
it comes right in
and that is sin
the floor is wet
and the snakes they get
wet snake bellies
and eyes of wet jellies

We are taking the time
to spend a dime
to fix our home
and the snakes that roam
the water will leave
oh I can't believe
my house will be dry
the snakes go buh-bye!

With another dime
(I love this rhyme)
our kitchen so small
is expanding a wall
a bigger and better
(oh, I just love this letter)
is coming to us
such a happy fuss!

Without further adieu
let me say to you
that writer's block
it has a lock
where I like to think
and put to ink
the things I think
and the thoughts that dink

With a small fight
I broke the tight
block of lock
that block of mock
that kept me quiet
I hope you didn't buy it
that I wasn't busy
or perhaps even dizzy

And here I am
a blogging ma'am
coming to you
with a rhyme that's new
to tell you that
my work is fat
my work is full
my work not dull

My kitchen a mess
(the heart of this nest)
is getting some work
and I must not shirk
on making food
for my handsome dude
or watching my kids
play with my lids

So all that to say
that from this day
I will try to blog
(and feed the dog)
but I may not be
very frequently
updating this site
so go fly a kite!

What Kids Don't Need

I was shocked when I read the news headlines on ABC.com this evening. I've hardly been able to see straight since I read it. It was something about parents being shocked at the age their kids should start taking birth control pills.

Apparently some good folks who have been licensed to educate our children have determined it's best to give our 11-year-olds birth control so that they will not have their lives ruined by an unplanned pregnancy.

How thoughtful of these "good" folks.

Okay, I'll say that the way I really feel it...

Some whacked "educated" professor that has been stupidly trusted with our children's well fare and knowledge, has been watching our children use the playground for things other than just child play. Instead of saying, "No, we don't do that here," (a simple command all children understand) he chose to turn a blind eye and deaf ear from the immorality being explored on the school grounds and instituted the idea of confidential birth control in order to not "ruin the lives" of these small children. That is such a good idea! Why don't we allow our kids to play in the street while we're at it and just amputate each limb that may get injured by any passing vehicle?


So, our kids are having sex and taking The Pill. Any doctor will tell you that The Pill is not 100% effective and that abstinence is the only form of trusted birth control. But, since the teachers and mentors we have trusted are now telling our kids it's okay to have sex, when will we start seeing maternity clothes in children's clothing stores? I mean really, if we can give our little girls birth control (does that come with instructions for children under 12 like Tylenol does?), why not let them sport their bulging bellies in style?

If they can post on gas station doors, "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service," and everyone obeys the simple rule, why can't they post on school room doors "No Sex, No Drugs, No School?"

What would probably happen then is we'd end up with a bunch of uneducated, immoral people wandering around squandering up our welfare system. Oh wait! What am I saying... that's not what we WOULD end up with; that's what we HAVE ended up with. From such children, come other children.

What gets me is the fact that having sex with a minor is illegal BUT if you are a minor, then just make sure the other minor is taking birth control. Then you're fine. Then it's okay. I mean seriously, even your teacher will make sure you get The Pill without your parents even knowing about it. But, if a pregnancy occurs, THEN it's a "oops." It was a no-no. Otherwise, keep your belly flat, the population down and you're fine.

These kids are seeking true love and acceptance. Not sex. They are seeking creativity and productiveness. Not sex. They are seeking purpose in life. Not sex. They are seeking stability and sense in life. Not someone giving them a pill so they can go have sex. They are KIDS! for crying out loud, not wild animals with insatiable desires to do things that no one can stop them from doing. They want boundaries and limitations. They want safety. They want security. They don't want sex. And they don't need it either.

Seriously folks, a baby is not the worst that can come of immoral sex. A baby doesn't leave you with a life-long disease that you'll share with anyone and everyone you may ever be intimate with. A baby doesn't make you give that some one you do want to spend your life with, an infection that they too must suffer. A baby doesn't increase your chance of a fatal illness, an STD does. A baby can be adopted off and even forgotten about but a STD stays right with you, increasing your likelihood for cancer, other diseases and sickness. All because someone said, "take this pill, don't tell your mom, and have fun."

What these kids don't know is that a pregnancy is not the worst of it. They don't know that by what The Pill is enabling them to do, is the very thing that could be the cause of their death. That a disease could come from their playmate that could kill them both. They will suffer pain and agony all because no one said, "Don't touch." (Another simple command all children understand.) They will bear the scars on their heart from something that could've been prevented had someone who was *supposed* to care for them, made it impossible for them to defile their spirit and their body.

A Pill will do them no good then.