Do I Really Look That Smart???

I sit down for a moment of silence to do something novel. Like blog. As I sit there trying to remember even HOW to blog or find my way through the mental process of burying myself in the thrill of a blog moment, I'm interrupted by a bombardment of questions.

Questions about life.

About stuff.

About things.

About everything.

And they're not "yes" and "no" every-day-type questions. It's questions like...

"What kind of car will I drive when I get older?"

"Did your belly just open up and I came out?"

"How old will Alex be when I'm big?"

"How old was Alex when he was born?"

"Is it Christmas 'time' or Christmas 'day'?"

"Do you know where my gun is, Mom?"

"I can't find my gun, where is it?"

"I put my gun right here; do you know where it is now?"

"Did all those people watch Mary push her baby out?" (while looking at a nativity scene and connecting the dots between Mary having a baby and our cat having kittens.)

"Is it Christmas 'day' or Christmas 'time'?"

"What will I name my baby when I have one?"

"When me and Alex and Landon grow up, what kind of car will we drive and where will it be?"

"If our house burns up, will it burn down?"

"When that building burns up, how many days will it take them to clean it up?"

"Who owns the mountains?"

"If water gets rid of fire then why doesn't fire get rid of water?"

"Can I call you Courtney when I get big?"

As I sit and try to answer these questions and other questions similar to it, I find my brain becoming exhausted by the exhilarating workout my 5 and 4-yr-old provide for me.

You'd think with all this intense exercise, I'd become sharper, not duller. Ha!

Quite the contrary. By the end of the day, I can't remember what I did that morning, what happened yesterday or if I had plans to be somewhere that night. From the moment my kids get up until they go to bed, I go through an interrogation become a living dictionary. A Thesaurus. A reference guide. And the funny thing is when they counter-question me just to make sure I have my facts straight.

Like when I put my 4 yr-old down for a quiet time at TWO o'clock and assure her she can be up by three o'clock. Instead, she insists on being up by ONE o'clock as she nestles comfortably in her cozy bed.

Or when my 5 yr-old asks what direction we're going. And I tell him north. He'll adamantly disagree and insist we're going east. I've learned never to argue with a 5 yr-old using a broken compass.

And then there's the 2-yr-old who is given the luxury of THREE books in his bed during nap time. Instead, he insists on only TWO books.

As I try to burrow into the passageways that are my kids' brains and ways of thinking, talking, questioning and comprehending, I come away more confused and befuddled than ever. Logic and reality are two things that don't seem to play in very often.

My kids are so trusting. So gullible. So innocent. Until it comes to some of their questioning. And then I wonder where the trust is...

"Mom, can you count to 'zero'?" I hear from across the room.

"ZERO!" I reply.

"NOOOO! Do it right!" the 4 yr-old instructs.

"ZERO, one, two, three...." I reply, with a little more emphasis.

First, silence. And then, "that is really HOW you count to zero?" a shocked voice speaks in an, innocent 5 yr-old way.

"Yes Landon; that is really HOW you count to zero..."

The look of satisfaction and comprehension of learning where 'zero' fits in the numerical order is written all over their faces. And it's always worth the extra brain energy it takes me to make an answer clear, no matter how pointless I may think the question is. Or how many times they may re-word their questions.

About the time I think they may even exhaust an advanced google search engine if they had the capability of typing in their questions, I'll hear a question like this...

"Will you guys still be our mom and dad when Landon and I have kids?"

Yes, we'll always be your mom and dad. And you'll always be our kids.

Landon Lines, Janae Jems

After Five Comes...?
"How long before I'm five?" Landon asked me one day.

"On March second," I answered him.

"And then how long before I'm twenty?"

An Important Question
"Dad, what happens if you don't hold your pee?" Landon asked.

Toby replied honestly, "You'd pee all over yourself."

"Oh," Landon said, satisfied with the answer.

A Trade-In
Just making conversation one day, I asked Landon a question. One of his friends recently got a new baby sister and I wondered what Landon thought about it. So, I asked him for no reason at all other than to pique my curiosity, "Do you want a new sister?"

He looked over at Janae and nodded his head and said, "Yeah, I want to get rid of Janae and get a new sister."

So That's What They Call Them These Days
One morning I heard Janae intently trying to get the front door open.

"Janae, don't go outside yet," I instructed her.

"I just want to ring the dinner bell," she said, referring to the new doorbell.

Heaven on Earth
"Is our church heaven?" Landon asked one day.

"No, it's not," I informed him, wondering why he'd come up with that question.

"Then why was there a dead body there one time?" he said, thinking back to a funeral.

Someone You Love Is A Husband
"I can't wait for my husband to get here," Janae was overheard saying the other day.

"Janae, you don't have a husband, " we explained.

"Yes I do!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Grandpa and Grandma are my husband!"

A few questions heard around our house recently...

How do angels fly? (Landon)

If an angel goes back into heaven, how does the sky get fixed? (Landon)

Did all of Gene's hair holes get too big and his hair fell out? (Landon, referring to a balding friend.)

Landon Lines, Janae Jems

Pet Names
"Hey there little noodle," Toby said affectionately to Janae. "I not a noon-al, 'Punkin'," Janae retorted right back.


Not Quite The Right Response... Unless You're Janae
"I'll be in there in a minute to help you Janae; Mommy has to make sandwiches first," I called from the kitchen to where she sat in the tub waiting for me to wash her up.
"I can!" she called back, using her infamous phrase for everything that always indicates her independence.


Shifting The Blame
After being caught disobeying a very detailed command, Toby asked Landon why he disobeyed. Landon had a very good reason. "I asked Jesus to help me but it didn't work," he said.


Perfection
While carrying a snake he had just caught, Landon made a detailed observation. "This snake is just perfec', Mom."

What You Pick Isn't Always What You Eat
While picking rocks behind the garage one day, I informed the kids that what we were doing was called, "picking rocks."
"But we can't eat these though," Landon informed us all.

Landon Lines, Janae Jems

A Good Kind of Pride
"I'm so proud of you, Mom!" Landon said as we headed out the door to go on a walk.

"Really? Why are you proud of me?" I asked, wondering if he knew what he was talking about.

"Because you let us ride our bikes." He said, happily.


Chewing Food
While eating popcorn one day, Landon made a keen observation.

"When I eat, my mouth chops it up."


The Unseen Guest
As the kids got ready to sit down for a meal one day, Janae began to direct Landon...

"I det to sit by Desus, Nannon and you det to sit by God."


Do You Just Call 911 Then?
Hearing that I needed an axe for the project we were working on outside, Landon informed me after my fruitless search for an axe in the garage....

"Firemans always have axes."

Just Between Her and the Bro
After explaining to the kids that we may go garage saling and what that would entail for them as ride-a-longs, I asked Landon if he wanted to do that. He was pretty sure he did NOT want to go and answered no.

Janae, sitting across the table, taking all this in, objected. "Nannon, dat would be nice!" she said, "da girls will be nice!" as if that made all the reason why he should go. I could clearly see she had no comprehension of what we had just talked about.

I questioned her and asked, "What did you just say, Janae?" She looked at me and said with a firm resolute and an aire that said I'll-get-back-to-you-later, "I am talking to Nannon."